Last month it was seventy degrees and sunny where I live, yet I spent two entire days lying in bed. I didn't go outside; I didn't check the mail; I didn't even go to the SourBucks around the corner. And, no, I didn't have the flu. What I did have was a brand new set of Natural Contours vibrators.

Now, before I tell you what that means, let me tell you what it doesn't mean -- these are not your mama's sex toys. Remember those penis-looking vibrators with the bright orange plastic and the little "feel-good" bumps? Well, maybe you don't -- but when I first started buying vibrators, most of them looked like appendages with a bad case of pimples. Of course, the vibrator industry has grown a lot since then -- you can now buy tie-dyed vibes in their own lipstick cases, and those fun finger-vibes that are so tiny you can practically use them in the back seat of the car without anyone noticing. Although they're cute, I personally prefer something with a little less whimsy and a little more heft.

Which is exactly what I found when I opened my box of Natural Contours. Designed by Candida Royalle, the creator of the Femme line of women-friendly products, Natural Contours are a whole different breed. First, their ultra-modern design and cool colors make them seem more like kitchenware than bedroom fare. Coral, soft lime green, periwinkle blue, soft vanilla, and with a soft, brushed finish -- they all look like something I'd covet at Target, instead of at FantasieLand. "Oh look, honey, these would match our plates perfectly!"

Of course, it was all fun and fantasy until my honey arrived home and found four little vibrators lined up on the kitchen counter like an odd set of salt and pepper shakers. (He's not big on letting my sex toys out of the box during the day. "What if I brought a friend home?" he always says.) He mellowed out once I showed him what they were for. In truth, I think it was a real turn-on for him that they were so cute; he never was all that keen on holding the jaundiced-looking pimply-penis impersonator anyway.

But I've rambled on long enough about how cute they are on the kitchen table. Don't be fooled by their classy curves -- these vibes let out their street-wise sexy side under the bedroom covers. They fit easily into the hand (and other places), pack a punch, and are cute enough for even a carry-on bag.

Royalle says Natural Contours are ergonomically designed to fit the contours of a woman's body, and I have to agree with her. (Although I'd add that they seem to curve just perfectly around a guy's body as well.) There are four models in all, each with a different area of expertise. The Petite model (coral) measures just 4" long and is a perfect purse or backpack stowaway. The Superbe (lime green) and Magnifique (vanilla) models are both a good size for a little at-home play.

But my favorite model by far is the mid-sized Ultime. Sky blue, sort of U-shaped, and with vibrating ends, this is the toy I grab most often. Its unusual shape allows solo-flyers to hold one end while the other end curves around to hit all those hot spots. Ditto for two-partner playing -- the shape allows the holder to aim at exactly the right spot and with the three settings, you can crank it up high enough to satisfy two places at once. Or two people at once, if you're so inclined. And here's the funny part: the curve of the Ultime just happens to fit perfectly over my shoulders for the ultimate in neck massages. I know it's bad taste to admit that you actually use a vibrator as a "massager" instead of the other way around, but this one actually works that way.

My only complaint? Well, I have two. The first is that they're not waterproof. At all. I already drowned my Superbe model (the lime-green just went so well with my yellow rubber ducky that I had to try it!). So, stick with the pocket rocket for water play.

And my other complaint? There are too many sunny, 70-degree weekends where I live. And at some point, I always have to get my butt out of bed and go outside. Hmm...I wonder how that periwinkle blue would look on my picnic table?

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