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The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers
- by Terry Gould
$16.95
ISBN 1552094820
available through
Amazon
Reviewed by William Dean
(11/14/01)
Female monogamy may well be the last bastion of anthropologists and
sociologists, not to mention conservative religionists, of our
time. Swinging, according to these backwater pundits, was strictly for
the male of the species to obtain extramarital sex and the shy, coy
significant others (or wives) were forced to act in unnatural
hedonistic accompaniment.
Surprise! As usual, the theoreticians and social students got it
wrong. Swinging is not about finding that single most-desired other
person and clinging to them, come hell or highwater, for a total
lifetime. It's about sharing sexual enjoyment and pleasure with any
number of people that you find compatible, likeable, or just fun for
the, um, moments you share. And further, according to the testimonies
in The Lifestyle:
"...when these friendly recreational pursuits are finally over,
another party begins: `After having spent hours in an orgiastic social
setting,' couples return home `even more erotically charged toward
their spouse than when they left' and have the best sex of all -- with
each other."
Swinging's been around, publicly, about half a century, under that
particular name, though, of course, there were utopian communities
trying "free love" on for size probably since Neolithic times. Back in
the 1950s, however, it was called "wife swapping" in the
male-dominated media, which reported censoriously (with some Playboy
glee probably) that otherwise normal suburban hubbies were making
their wives toss the housekeys in a hat and dipping in later to
discover who their new temporary husband of the night would be. In
1969, Hollywood snickered its way onto the big screen with Bob & Carol
& Ted & Alice which purported to show California married couples as
hip and cool and "swinging"! The 1970s was awash with the swinging
single scene with easy drugs and booze, disco and revealing fashions,
then in the 1980s herpes and AIDS began to dim the lights and waggle
the big "No! No! No!" finger at the swinging lifestyle.
The new cool generation was repulsed by all the bad nastiness that
hovered on the edge of all that promising good nastiness. Group sex
and accepted hanky-panky on the side suddenly were anathema, but did
swinging die? No! How come? Let one of Terry Gould's interview
subjects (he's not making this up) answer:
"We get a closer understanding of ourselves -- more so than men
understand themselves...we're very curious about all things -- and
in that need we feel our sexuality, our bisexuality, and when we
come to allowing our need and curiosity to take over, we find we
like to help."
"Like to help" is swinger code talk for a wife being excited by her
husband making love to another woman. Apparently, swingers have their
own cozy lingo. For example, the most quoted phrase in referring to
first-time women is: "You have to convince them to come but then you
have to convince them to leave."
What's the appeal of zipless fucking among people you may have just
met a few hours ago, really? Despite the generalizations in The
Lifestyle, I'm guessing there are as many answers to that
question as there are people swinging right this moment. Partly, it
has to do with guiltless exhibitionism, voyeurism, and that arcane
knowledge that although your spouse may have just screwed his or her
brains out, you're still driving them home.
"Right! So he keeps begging me, `Tell me more, tell me more.' So I
told him. `You want to know? Here it is: It was rea-l-l-y great. I had
the best time. The men were so nice, it was so great. I never
came so many times in my life.' Well, he got so excited, we made love
at a rest stop. That's his biggest fantasy since two years after we
were married! Watching me."
Playcouples, swingers, polyamourous, whatever the label, those in The Lifestyle seem to be having their cake
and eating it, too. Maybe the old rules of sexual behavior for
pair-bonded adults are being re-examined in the light of the 21st
Century. Wouldn't that be nice?
Review ©2001 by William Dean
Reader Comments
William Dean has written online erotica under his pen name, Count of
Shadows, for several years, beginning with his early participation
at Erotica Readers Association and Marilyn Jaye Lewis'
Other Rooms. He writes a monthly column, Into the Erotik, and is the Newsletter Editor
and Graphics Director for the Erotica Readers
Association's Web site. He is also an Associate Editor
for Clean Sheets, along with contributing his original artwork.
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