(10/16/02)

"Where the hell is everyone?" Max the dog wonders as he saunters into the back room at Clean Sheets, best paw forward. "How can these people put out a weekly zine if they're never at their desks? No wonder they don't have time to get to the bestiality stories!"

Fifi and Roverette just yap in agreement by his side, though Fifi secretly thinks humans are gross and that a good animal story might involve a dog domming a cat -- maybe tying the cat down and trimming his nails real short and then teaching him to hiss "yes" on command. But it has taken the three of them a long time (in dog years) to agree to pitch their story to a Clean Sheets editor, even though they know in their puppy-hearts that theirs is a love story that must be told.

"After all," Fifi had suggested, "you don't read a lot of stories about bi-poly-buddhist-kink-threesomes of canines who have a penchant for fishnet stockings and live happily in heat together near the trash bins behind Kinkos."

"True."

"Let's meditate while we wait," Roverette offers, breathlessly.

"Oh, let's not," Fifi snorts. "Let's get dressed and ready for the editors." She lifts her paw to direct. "Max, heel."

Max stops, blushes, and pulls his shoes out of his knapsack. He slides his fishnets right up over his bony knees. High heels strapped on, he prances proudly. "I may like to lie in the sun and sleep all day," he brags, "but nobody can say I'm a lazy crossdresser."

Fifi has her leathers in place and proceeds to jump up on top of the biggest desk. "I'm atop," she yaps, bossily. Roverette snaps her leash to her collar and lays spreadeagled on her back, awaiting a command. Max circles them, glancing at their reflection in the big glass window of the Clean Sheets office. "We're so hot," he notes. "Think they'll censor us?"

"Are you kidding -- have you read this zine? Kinky ink, kinky food, kinky ghosts, cacti in asses, fucking the dying, porn movies, vibrators, whips and chains, girl-slaves named Blue... sometimes even plain vanilla for variety!"

"But no dogs."

The bitches know Max is right. "I think," Roverette offers, "that it's because some people say bestiality is non-consensual on the animal's part."

Gales of laughter fill the empty office, laughter that sounds like a puppy pile full of, well, puppies.

"What exactly do they think dogs do with their lives? Eat, sleep, fuck, roll over and die. What else is there?"

"True. But still, no dogs in Clean Sheets."

"It's a prejudice."

"A bias."

"We could threaten them...." Max suggests, pouting menacingly, wrapping his little fishnet leg around Fifi's leather boot. "Discrimination against dogs! They would hear us growl... and maybe they'd devote a whole month of stories to animals to make up for it!

"Dogs fucking people!"

"Dogs fucking cats!"

"Cats fucking ducks!"

"Ducks fucking mice!"

"... ewwwwww..."

"Goats!"

"Sheep!"

"Giraffes!"

"Giraffes?" Max asks, with a doubtful look.

"Sure, it would just have to be a really long story."

They groan, they hug, they look around at the still deserted office and decide to get ready for action.

"Let's go through their desks while the editors are gone and read all their stories -- maybe we could help edit them and sneak a dog into the mix somewhere!"

Paws up on desks, barking with pleasure, they begin to read.... and so can you -- some of the excellent stories by Clean Sheets' current staff members, offered here for your reading pleasure:

Shanna, Reviews Editor:

Pick Me Up Cocktail

Bachelor Party

Recent Reports on Progress Toward Fusion

Flash Fiction Smorgasbord

Cross Country

The Back of the Store

You're Welcome

Mad Ida Loved the Wind

Erotik Valentine 7.2

Cosi Fan Tutti

Where the Marsh Ends: And Forests of Hearts

Knifeplay

A Religious Experience

Lube The World, I Want To Get Off: The Slippery Slope of Seduction

Fantasies in Rush Hour

The Sharing

Show Time

Pour Me Out

Sip

Slow Trains

You Can Call Me Al

Lying With Tony

Our permanent collection of erotic stories