by A. Lee Halo
(12/20/00)
I have produced neither painting nor orgasm in two months. Mourning
for my fecund phase, I stare at the ten foot by ten foot empty canvas
lying on the floor like a festering corpse. Still seeing it blank
after so long is revolting and discouraging, and since the air conditioner's
stopped, so has my urgency to create even a single mural.
Naked except for my shiny blue panties, I cross the studio to the
open window, hoping to feel even a small breeze. It's an especially
sultry afternoon in August with the kind of humidity that leaves
you feeling sticky even after a shower. Drops of perspiration crawl
their way down the side of my face, neck and between my breasts.
I tie my blonde frizzy curls in a knot, keeping it in place with
a skinny paintbrush.
Painting and fucking are similar pursuits, at least to me. Both
begin with the creator, the artist or the hornier one who initiates.
Both end with the desire to please the audience and ultimately yourself.
That, to me, is the ruling passion. To derive pleasure from pleasing.
Whether someone is admiring my blending of color, or gets a boner
admiring the bounce of my naked tits, I enjoy the power of gripping
their eye and attention. For a moment, they suspend effects from
all other stimuli, submitting their conscience to me. God, does
that turn me on.
It turns me on like the landlord, whom I've had a crush on forever.
He keeps promising to get someone to repair the AC. I think that
if Joel was still around, he'd fix the damn thing in a second. He
was so good with his hands. How I miss those hands.
I break down and call Joel for the first time on his cell phone.
He answers. I’m not surprised.
"Haven’t heard from you in awhile."
"How’d you know it was me?"
"I'm a very smart man. And I have caller ID." I hear
seagulls in the background. His voice is calm and gravelly, as if
he was out late the night before.
"What are you doing?" I forage in the kitchen for something
cold to drink.
"Lying on the beach. Getting tons of attention. Looking at
the beautiful tanned bodies on the towel next to me. Trying to get
you jealous."
"Yeah, that’s nice," I say distractedly. I’m trying to
open a bottle of water. "I have a show opening next week and
still haven’t done anything. It’s too hot to be creative."
"The air conditioner’s broken again?" he laughs. "Is
that why you called me? To come and fix it?"
"Maybe I'll just explain to Raul that my AC's broken, so I can't
work."
"What? You really think a gallery owner would be sympathetic to
that excuse? Why don’t you tell him that you haven't gotten a lay
since you dumped your handsome, charming boyfriend." Whenever Joel
acts like an asshole, I get horny. I touch myself and feel the moisture
through my panties. I need to cool off.
"Tell him how fucking repressed you are," Joel continues, his tone
becoming more sarcastic, "and that your mind is constipated. Maybe
then he'd understand."
"You know what Raul would say? 'Girlfriend, why don’t you get a
mental enema and go get laid.' He’s such a bitch!" I open the freezer,
only to find that I forgot to fill the ice tray.
"Aw, shit! I don't even have any ice cubes. Just this goddamned
lime popsicle." I slam the freezer shut. Desperate for some relief,
I take it out, throw the wrapper on the floor in disgust, placing
the popsicle on the back of my neck.
"Mmmm. It’s good. Good n’ cold." I reclaim my seat on the window
ledge.
"What are you doing, Alison?"
"Rubbing it up and down my body. Oooh -- it’s on my stomach. Remember
how you’d lick my stomach?" I drag the ice up to my neck and hold
my breath from the jarring cold. Making a chilly lime trail, I drag
it back down to my stomach, to the heat between my inner thighs.
It’s so cold it’s nearly painful. I like it.
"I have it right between my legs."
"You’re trying to get me all randied. That’s why you called me,
isn't it? Fuck you!"
"That’s what I'm doing, Joel. Fucking myself. Right now." Like
an iceberg sailing slowly on its path, the ice makes its way slowly
up between my breasts, its course becoming a spiral towards my proud
pierced left nipple. When the ice gets there, I make small circles
again and again until my nipple becomes numb and hard like a marble.
I close my eyes, and with my free hand, finger my swelling pussy.
"My clit is so hot. I'm so wet, Joel," I whisper. I anchor one
foot high up on the window frame and drape my other leg outside.
The humid air licks the wet fire of my cunt. "I’m spreading my slit
wide open now."
"I love the smell of your pussy. I love sucking on your swollen
lips. Baby, when you’d sit on my face, I’d put my tongue in so far.
I love how you taste."
Joel is a pig for pussy. He’d bury his face in my pubes, like a
pig burrowing for truffles in my labia, inhale deeply and eat himself
into oblivion. I swear he’d climb inside if I let him. Sometimes
he’d moan with more pleasure than me. When he’d come up for air,
his face would shine from my sex gloss. Then he’d go back down,
and suck and lick until I’d come a couple of times. But even getting
head can be too much of a good thing, and I’d have to pry him off,
desperate for his dick to satisfy me.
I move my panties aside and put the ice right against the hottest
part of my body. It sizzles. I lightly stroke between my swelling pussy
lips. As if cross-hatching a shadow with a pencil, I make small
vibrating strokes. Whisper-light, rapid strokes, back and forth
until I’m happy with the effect. The pleasure mounts.
"What are you doing?" Joel whispers. "Put it in, put it in."
I hold my breath and thrust the whole thing in up to where I can
barely hold the stick. Cold, heat, pain -- comingling all at once.
It’s as exhilarating as jumping into a freezing lake. It’s too much.
I pull it out. Inhale. I put it back in. My body temperature rises
still. In, out, faster and faster. I grasp the wall behind me and
grit my teeth. The freezing friction intensifies. My cunt throbs.
I arch my back and cry out. I hear Joel do the same.
"Alison? Hello?" Who the hell is knocking?
"Who’s there?" I call to the door.
"It’s Lance to repair your air conditioner." The landlord!
"Bye, Joel!" I hang up and yank the phone cord from the wall.
Between the melted stickiness and my own wetness, my panties are
soaked. I roll them off and toss them behind some paintings propped
against a wall. On the way to the door, I throw on my splattered
cut-offs, a tank top and start sucking on my now much thinner popsicle.
"Lance! What are you doing here?" I’ve never seen the landlord
in jeans and a T-shirt. He looks incredible.
A human being is much like a painting, with so many layers. The
final piece of work is a mere covering that hides all the fumbles,
ugly smudges and false starts. The artist only allows you to see
what she wants you to see. The same goes for people, only allowing
each other to see what they want to be seen. The latent personality
is a scribbly mess of insecurities, neuroses and ugly wreckage.
Me, I consider myself perfect from the start. Honey, what you see,
is what you get -- I hide nothing. As for Lance, I have always wanted
to strip off the translucent glaze that covered his macho self.
I don’t think it’d be too difficult.
"No suit, no tie. Jeans. You look so different. So...alpha male."
He keeps staring at my still orgasm-hard nipples showing through.
I slowly put the ice in my mouth, sliding in and out suggestively.
"On a hot day like this, that actually looks kinda good." His blue
eyes widen.
"It is!" Let me show you how good.
He follows me to the broken unit and I feel his eyes on my ass.
I turn around abruptly to find that’s right where his eyes are.
He notices I notice and blushes, dropping his tool box.
"So why are you here? Where’s the repairman?" I ask. "Not that
I’m not happy to see you." Not that I don’t want to fuck your brains
out.
"I only found out this morning that he just up and left two weeks
ago. I’m real sorry you’ve been so uncomfortable." Yeah, baby, make
me feel better. As he removes the heavy metal panel, his biceps
flex. He gets down on his knees and begins loosening some screws.
I imagine him on his knees and me naked standing over him, straddling
his face, looking down on his black curly hair. His head bobs as
his tongue explores my folds, hungrily lapping up all of my sweet
nectar, unable to get enough of me.
Before l can sweat any more, the familiar rattle of the AC starts.
"Ahh, I feel a difference already! What was wrong?" As he talks
about connectors, I drift off. The current that’s generating in
my pussy pulses throughout my nervous system. I think of how I want
our naked bodies to press together, how I’d like to ride his cock,
feel him spew inside me a hundred times. I want to smell his musky
armpits. I want his bites, his tongue, his sweat to cover me. I’m
lost in a swirl of thoughts, fucking him until he wakens me.
"Of all your work, I think that’s the best." He grins and nods
to the damned white canvas. A white abyss that grows bigger each
second, so big that I know I’ll fall in, never to emerge. I’m drowning
in white emptiness.
"Fuck you, wise ass!" I know he’s kidding, but his comment hurts.
My core thermostat plummets to ice queen levels.
"Aw, Alison. I’m sorry." I take refuge in mixing some white and
red paint into an old ice-cream container.
"Thanks again for coming," I say without looking at him, "but you
gotta leave. If I don’t get some work done, you don’t get next month’s
rent."
He doesn’t move. "Mind if I stay and watch? I’d like to learn more
about what you do." I look at him funny. Does he want a show?
"Well, there’s not much going on." Yet. "Maybe you can help me."
I have an idea.
Whenever I get a really phenomenal, earth shattering idea I think
of Bernini’s "The Ecstasy of St. Theresa." Like a subliminal flash,
I can always see the statue of that nun, swooning in delight, basking
in a rapturous glow. Her head is back, posture arched, mouth open
and eyes shut -- the universal pose of orgasm. Getting orgasms and
getting ideas are the same. That utterly ecstatic rush. An uncontrollable
flood of emotion overtakes every capillary and corpuscle in the
body. When I say I get off on ideas, I mean it.
So, I have an idea. At this epiphanous moment in my studio, with
Lance’s hulking muscles basking in sweat, I long for his dick.
I pick up a wooden stirrer and a bucket of cherry red paint.
"Take off your shirt." I say the command softly. He obediently
pulls off his T-shirt and drops it beside him. He is a perfect chiseled
sculpture with six-pack abs, shapely pecs and big, strong hands.
His chiseled features look so noble. A real, live, breathing David.
I let myself stare, lick my lips and take a deep breath. Down,
hormones, down girls -- seducing him can’t happen quite yet.
"Just dip the stirrer into the paint and throw." I demonstrate,
sending a smatter of red across the huge canvas. A lot of it lands
on the floor, and deliberately, on him. His muscles clench from
the chill of paint. He laughs, and then I do too.
"Guess I should take these off, too." Our eyes lock as he climbs
out of his jeans and tosses them on the ladder against the wall.
My instincts are right. No underwear -- behold, the raging, unleashed
male.
I step forward to touch his chest, his defined stomach and the
muscular contours of his thighs, leaving red prints wherever my
hands roam, watching his thick cock rise.
I lick circles on his salty palm, then his fingers, and replay my
popsicle performance from before, putting his thumb in my mouth, sucking
it in between my teeth. I pull it out, and without taking my eyes
from his, take a long, slow lick from his fingertip, to the knuckle,
then back to the tip. Mirroring my actions, he begins, kissing my
palm and lightly biting my finger tips.
We embrace. His arms are so strong. I feel his shaft hard against
my stomach. My breasts flatten against his chest. He finishes sucking
on my pointer finger, takes it out and puts my hand on his tight
ass. I trace the light trail of fuzz and sweat up and down his lower
back, down to his snug little hole. Once he relaxes, I stick in
two fingers up to my knuckles and his muscles squeeze them tight.
He grips my arm behind him, driving my fingers in further still.
He takes my face in his hands and rubs his thumb over my lips.
When he kisses me, I think I’ll melt. I hear nothing but the loud
hum of the air conditioner.
I step back to admire Lance’s body again. The shadows of his muscles
appear and disappear each time his chest falls and rises to his
heavy breathing.
For every step back I take, he takes one forward. Always make them
come after you, but never let on that you’re doing the leading. Eventually,
my back is against the ladder. I undo my cut-offs, letting them
fall to my ankles. Lance presses against me and takes hold of either
side of the rungs, caging me in.
I look down at our pubes mingling like the bodies of two sheep.
Mine look like golden fleece in contrast to his dark wires. He closes
his eyes. I put his thick shaft between my legs, moving my slippery
snatch back and forth, each rub making me drip more. The long strokes
grow shorter and our rhythm quickens. As if suddenly possessed,
he tears off my shirt, releasing my breasts. I like catching his
surprise at my nipple ring. He takes it in his mouth and loops his
tongue through it, tugging lightly while pushing me against the
rungs with his strong body.
I wrap a leg around his waist, giving him easy access to my dick-starved
oozing cunt. He wiggles his fingers inside. I take them out. I slip
in his cock. The air conditioner barely drowns out our moans.
People have another similarity to paintings. Underneath it all
we’re the same. Past our painted exteriors, one bare canvas is identical
to another. And just like the frame of canvas, we all have skeletons
and the same anatomy. We have maps and highways of nerves that relay
messages throughout our bodies about pain and pleasure. My pleasure
deliveries are running furiously.
"Wait," I murmur. I lie down on that blank canvas. I imagine myself
as Venus just having emerged from the ocean, I spread my hair around
my head like a fan.
"Use orange." The color of building heat. Lance grabs the cup of
orange paint off the table. Standing over me, he pours a cool stream
down between my breasts, the center of my torso and into the pool
of my navel. I roll over and wipe my body across the canvas, leaving
a soft orange trail, loving the abrasive cloth against my skin.
He pours his body on top of mine and runs his hands down my arms,
smearing them in a midnight blue. His hardness on my ass puts me
in an urgent frenzy and I push myself up on all fours. I guide him
in my steamy hole. An electric current jolts every nerve in my body,
making my toes curl. I let out an Amazonian scream -- a scream of
relief and desire.
I reach for the nearest bucket of paint and splash it over our
backs, bathing us in a gold-yellow. Lance groans loudly. His rhythm
picks up. Our bodies glide over each other, thoroughly lubricated
by sweat and the cool slickness of paint. He cups my tits, kneads them
and pinches my nipples. I clutch his sweet bum as hard as I can
to get him in me deeper.
We become a giant smear of sex, thrashing in purple, wrestling
in magenta, rolling in azure. Our shiny painted bodies writhe over
every inch of the canvas that suddenly seems not big enough. We
are a tremendous brush creating more splashes than any Pollock,
more striking shapes than a Kandinsky and sexier than an O’Keefe.
On my back, my legs are on his shoulders. His body hovers above
mine, like a dark rain cloud overtaking and relieving a dry prairie.
The beads of sweat on the pallet of his face make clean trails through
the blotch of green under an eye and black on a cheek. He plunges
in deeper than before. I dig my nails into the canvas. He can’t
go in further. I have to give in. My vision is blurry when I feel
my walls contract. I assume the pose of St. Terri.
I roll him off of me and sit up. Yellow paint drips off my nipple
and mingles with a puddle of teal, making a pea green.
But something is missing. I need one more color that I could
never mix on my own. Pearl.
I push Lance down and start sucking on his joint. My tongue is
like a finger, strumming the chord on the underside of his cock,
and with each stroke, his body tightens. He puts his hands in my
now matted hair and I let him guide my head just how he wants to,
fucking my mouth. I need him to come hard and copiously. Up and
down he dips his dick and balls into the warm, welcoming well of
my mouth.
The second I taste his saltiness, I pull him out and aim his thick
tube to spray his own beautiful gloss all over my breasts. When
the last drop is tapped, I smudge my chest into the center of the
canvas, working his hot come into the paint. It shimmers against
the deep red.
Some people say there is an art to fucking. The art of the fuck.
Fucking art. That’s what "Untitled 3" was all about to me. Fucking
art. A week ago I read a review of my show:
Optically mesmerizing, "Untitled
3" feels both vulnerable and secretive, as if it were in the process
of coming or going [we know it wasn’t going] all while expressing
intense emotion...The focus on emotional color and its application
creates a nonrepresentational style that spotlights the act of painting
itself. Without further apotheosizing, brilliant.
Like I said, fucking art. All I know, is that it’s an Indian Summer
in November, and I’m damn happy that the AC works.