by Maureen Gibbon
(09/05/01)

Chapter 2

Here is what they never tell you about being a girl. The lucky few will crack the nut after a time or two, but the rest of us will screw for a long time before we get it right. A long time. I screwed for four years before I came.

You tell that to any guy, he'll shit. They get it from the start, and go on getting it and getting it. It takes a girl longer to figure out how to get hers, because if she isn't one of the lucky few who spill it on a cock, she's got to get it in a way that doesn't hurt the boy's feelings. Try that when you're fucking in the woods or a car, or when everyone tells you that you're only screwing because you want love. You don't even know you're supposed to come.

I first screwed a boy when I was thirteen, but I didn't come until three boyfriends later, with Del. He made me come when we were sixty-nining on a dirty bunk in a cabin we broke into, out in Mennonite Town. It was all the licking and sucking that did it. When those contractions started, I didn't know what they were. That's how ignorant I was about my own body. My mom never said a word about any of it, and the clinic in Ontelaunee where I got my birth control pills made you learn about your fallopian tubes and your ovaries, but as for the rest, as for pleasure, you were on your own. They didn't even teach you the names for your labia and clitoris -- nothing that wasn't connected with reproducing.

It was a shock to me that the inside of me could feel so good and loose, and I had to get Del's cock out of my mouth so I could make the noise that came out of my body. I think I cried out from being scared as much as from the feeling.

"It's like that toy with the rings," I told Del when I got my breath. I knew he didn't understand what I meant, and that almost made me cry. I was thinking of that toy where colored rings of different sizes rest on top of each other, all on a wooden dowel. Take away the peg and the rings begin to fall. But it is good to let them tumble, roll away, the red going one place, the blue somewhere else.

I tried again. "It's like rain," I said. "It's like you make my body rain."

He listened to me and he let me kiss his mouth over and over. His face was wet with me -- chin, nose, cheeks -- and I kissed away as much of it as I could. I liked the way it tasted, sweet and salty, not bitter at all.

"Vangie moisture," he said. "I read about girls coming before."

"Where?"

"Skin magazine. No one ever came with me before, though."

He moved down so he could lie with his head on my belly and play with me. He put a finger up inside me. "You got all tight. Your pussy got all tight."

"Oh yeah?"

When he moved away from me, I thought we were going to start screwing, because he still hadn't come. But we didn't. Instead, he got the flashlight he'd used when we'd broken the lock on the cabin, and he shined the thing between my legs. He pulled at me, holding the flashlight in one hand, moving my lips apart with the other. His fingers were gentle, but they kept tugging. I knew he was studying me, and I had to close my eyes from nervousness. My whole body felt hot even though the air in the cabin was cool.


"Pussy looks complicated, but it's not," Del said then. "It's about as complicated as an eyelid."

It took me a second to understand what he meant, but then I got a picture in my mind of the inner corner of the eyelid with its little bud, and the way the two little lips on my vagina came up to meet over my clitoris. I'd seen it how many times in the mirror I propped between my spread legs, there on my apartment floor.

Del put his flashlight away then. This time when he got between my legs, he pushed my knees up to my chest and licked me in one, long lick, bottom to top.

"I'm going to know every inch of you," he told me.

I didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say. But that's when I fell in love with Del. If it seems like a strange reason to fall in love with someone, you're wrong. Think how good it feels when the other person's mouth is on you there, how loved you feel. If the other person will not do that for you, what else won't they do?

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