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Clean Sheets-ology December 2006 Forecast
by Nola Summers
(12/01/06)
The Full Moon in Gemini on December 4th facilitates group learning experiences...think more than two; more hands, more mouths, more tongues. Can you double "do" yourself? Those solitary creatures among us know that you can and exactly how to use those bendable double ended dildos and plugs. Venus entering Capricorn on December 11th will make you think that you know what others are thinking. You rarely do and often underestimate the sexual power that you have. The December 21st Mars Square Uranus antagonistic what-the-f*** ego energy might lead you to misinterpret another's actions. It's hard to see the real situation when you've got your chest all puffed up like you're bursting out of a too small bustier...yes, even you big tough guys. The accompanying long dark of the Winter Solstice night just gives you more time to thrash about in the sheets of despair you've wrapped yourself in. Hint: dig out the double ender and distract yourself till morning -- everything's clearer in the light of day.
Aries (March 21 -- April 19) You already know that timing is everything -- almost as important as presentation. As others become distracted with the trimmings that come with this season of good cheer you should hone your seductive skills. While everyone is photocopying their ass at the staff party observe the quiet but hot co-worker standing on the fringe. They're enjoying the show but not participating and everyone's too busy to notice but you. Take your time, but move in and unwrap that gift button by button, lick by lick, and stroke by stroke. Looks like Santa Claus is...coming...to town after all.
Taurus (April 20 -- May 20) You feel the need to finish this year and start next year with a true "out with the old and in with the new" attitude. Start with the basics and switch -- yours or theirs -- flannels for satin. There is a XXX door at the North Pole -- it's where the dirty elves work when they're not working on each other. It's empowering to strut through the workplace, down the street, or weave through the crowded mall knowing that no one could even begin to imagine what you've got restrained in lace under that straight up outfit; they'd be as wet as you if they could. And if you need to get rid of what's living, breathing, and leaving cracker crumbs in your bed then now's the time to do it.
Gemini (May21 -- June 20) You do like to gossip; you like a good story -- don't even pretend that you don't. Trouble is you pride yourself on being able to discern between truth and half-truth -- especially when it comes to things that directly affect you. But even you can make a mistake...so this month don't read between the sheets, don't listen to whispers in your ear unless they come from someone that's riding you from behind, and don't jump out of bed when you imagine there's a wet spot that wasn't made by you....because there isn't.
Cancer (June 21 -- July 22) It's not really like you to not do for yourself, and getting others to do the leg work for you will only increase the physical, emotional, and financial payback that you will find yourself responsible for. When you see someone you want, do not send someone else to deliver the message. Don't play shy; this isn't afternoon recess. Why give your messenger an excuse to make direct contact with the one you want? Then there's that whole dibs thing; guess what, they touched them first and you let them. If you don't want to be left touching yourself, all by yourself, then step up.
Leo (July 23 -- August 22) You are the supreme game-player and may be taken aback somewhat when you come to realize that you are the one being played. Even if your relationship is solid you're going to get the feeling that your commitment is being tested. "If you loved me, you'd make me come again." "If you loved me you'd go down on me after you come inside me." "If you loved me you'd be willing to take it up the ass the same way you want me to." The possibilities on this are endless, so if it's just a "If you loved me you'd come get me right now," you might want to get that car started...
Virgo (August 23 -- September 22) What did you do to deserve this? You yourself can be a bit of a sharp-tongued creature at times but this month it seems that you are on the receiving end of the stress level of everyone else. You know you can dish it out, and you need to come to grips with the fact that sometimes you are just going to have to take it. Think long and hard before you open your mouth to respond....in fact, don't speak, when the opportunity arises, just open your mouth.
Libra (September 23 -- October 22) You are too good at this. It's the festive season and you schmooze like no other. Lots of people take the opportunity while Christmas cheer is flowing to talk people into deals and cement arrangements -- you seal the deal, bed the dealer, and keep them coming back for more. If part of the business arrangement is a considerable cash outlay by you, be careful about who's bedding who; be aware of who's buying the coffee in the morning...again.
Scorpio (October 23 -- November 21) You can't move ahead and drag the baggage with you. Well you can, but you won't get far. Understand that people don't change but they are different. They do things differently and things mean different things. A wise old woman once told me that people fuck the same way all the time -- they just fuck a different person, which then falls into that new-to-you category. The good part is that your mentors are still out there, they've learned even more moves since you graced their bed and they're still willing to teach. Go back -- get a little something, then move on.
Sagittarius (November 22 -- December 21) It's just not possible, unless the one pursued has the instincts of a cat in the dark, to totally understand what you're up to. They think you don't want them because they are unable to crack the oh-so-subtle enigma code methods you use. The danger here Mr. or Mrs. Mystery is that they'll walk away in confusion and right into the bed of someone who is already on their hands and knees, slicked and at the ready. You do realize that we find others more attractive when we think they're attracted to us? You don't have to wear a sign that says "fill me up buttercup" on your head (if you do, make sure you're pointing it at the right person) but you do need to give people a little something to work with.
Capricorn (December 22 -- January 19) If you're feeling a little...unappreciated...remember this: they don't always have to say it with actual words. Even if you need your at times fragile ego shored up you shouldn't expect to be told every single time that you are the best freakin' lay they've ever had; would you believe that if you heard it every time? Look instead to the unspoken tokens of appreciation that come your way. The tongue job when you step through the door. No words, just mouth, lips, and wet warmth...and that's only one of the ways they say they love you.
Aquarius (January 20 -- February 18) People want to know where they stand: where you want them to be, where you think they should be. As we move into a new year this "what's the big picture" emotion is quite natural. If you don't want to spend the balance of the holiday season and cold nights with nothing left to warm you up but their old PJs' you better listen. You'll only be able to distract them once or twice by screwing them senseless when they ask "But, what about me?" By all means get it in there while you still can, but you better have some kind of answer worked out by the time you're hanging upside down off the end of the bed in a breathless come coma. You have about a zero percent chance of finding the right thing to say then -- and even less of making sense.
Pisces (February 19 -- March 20) Shoot, those old memories are back and you can't help but wonder if you acted too hasty in giving them the boot. The tough thing is figuring out if its just pleasant memories or true love lost. As I always suggest, the bad is still bad...if they used to shred your favorite under things when you didn't answer your cell on the first ring make sure they're not moving back in with a new set of scissors and never utter the phrases: "My battery is about to die."; "Can you hear me now?"; "I forgot my phone in the car." If you want to go tap that ass again go ahead -- just consider yourself warned because your signal won't be the only thing that's breaking up...think mirrors, stemware, windows, and windshields.
©2006 by Nola Summers
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Nola Summers combined honest-to-goodness research with time spent on her back gazing at the heavens, and came up with a few ideas of her own on the sexual ins and outs of our individual astrological signs. Her work is never-ending, as the stars and planets continue to move across the sky pulling unsuspecting lovers in their wake. She is a Contributing Editor and Astrologer for Clean Sheets and a Staff Writer for Pulp Magazine. You are invited to visit her MySpace space and her Web site.
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