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Clean Sheets-ology September 2006 Forecast
by Nola Summers
(09/01/06)
Pluto Direct on September 4th allows us to put in place the wishes and dreams that have made us sweat in the hot days of summer. Take a little me time and plan things out. No more "if only," it's time to be more forward-thinking. Something along the lines of "If I like ass play it only means I like ass play." Venus entering (there is no better word) Virgo on September 6th brings focus back to the intricacies of your intimate relationships. Why don't you give someone a break and pick up the lube this time? The Lunar Eclipse in sensitive Pisces on September 7th makes everyone touchy, which can lead to things hurting just a little bit more so go easy on the down stroke everyone. The Solar Eclipse in Virgo on September 22 will either spur you to get rid of the old and bring in the new, or simply clean things up; maybe give those plugs an extra scrub. I suggest again, that with the equality of night and day, innocence and depravity that the Fall Equinox brings us on September 23, you take this opportunity to be as bad as you are good.
Aries (March 21 -- April 19) Here's a thought -- practice makes perfect. Sometimes the old-school knowledge base holds true. Who cares if you can do it standing on your head singing your ABCs backwards? What really counts is that you can bring it repeatedly and fuck them silly each time that you do. Don't just be -- be the best, and if that means they'll have to come repeatedly as you perfect your technique surely that won't be that hard of a nut to bust...or crack.
Taurus (April 20 -- May 20) Sometimes you've got to pay attention and use flattery like the weapon of seduction that it is. No those jeans don't make your ass look anything but spectacular; only less so because it is constrained behind dull denim. Let it out and I will draw my hungry tongue along the sweet buttery folds where your thighs meet the dark musky juncture of your sweet core. Okay -- that was an example of too much -- just keep it low key and keep it coming.
Gemini (May21 -- June 20) Are they coming, are they going? Do they want you or not? Before you throw the baby out with the bathwater make sure you're not reacting to a vibe that you think you feel. Don't forget that you get back what you put out and you are the king/queen of mixed signals. Missionary or the Second Posture of the Perfumed Garden? Others will reciprocate in kind once you get it out there. Oh, you don't want it from behind, you want the Reverse Cowgirl -- why didn't you just say so -- everybody switch. It's that easy.
Cancer (June 21 -- July 22) It's that kind of a month -- take a minute to read the Gemini section above and try to apply it to yourself. Expand that somewhat by letting other people know what you want before the lights are low and the bed sheets are knotted round your ankles. If you've got your eye (the left one) on someone you want you should let that be known -- especially to them. If they don't think you're interested then they'll pass right by you to someone who has made it clear that they are. They've got their available light on -- make sure you do too.
Leo (July 23 -- August 22) You're too sexy for your life, too sexy for your car; wait -- you're wearing worn out sweats and driving what is commonly referred to as a beater. Less expensive to change the look and take a taxi but make more of an effort to fit yourself into the lifestyle you envision for yourself. You want that example of supremely fuckable humanity sitting next to you as you tool down the highway. Mm...mm...mm...the smell of...new car...or something...
Virgo (August 23 -- September 22) All ya gotta do is ask, right? You're getting tired of always having to ask for help. Why don't people know what needs to be done? What's the big deal? If they don't know how to make you come by now you can give them one more free pass; like that, right there, that hard. It's tiring directing and starring -- but if you're the director all the time you can change the cast. If you must, let it be known that there are others under consideration for the role.
Libra (September 23 -- October 22) You do like to spend money; more so when it garners the results you want. If the result is that they are so happy they can't resist your charming ways then all the better. This plan works well until the ATM is left spitting out dust and those little bits of deposit envelope...oh...that's right, you haven't been using those. If you can afford to pay for play then good for you -- if not, you're going to have to ramp back your outlay.
Scorpio (October 23 -- November 21) It's truly not like you to do things without a careful think through, however, if you find yourself acting a little wild and wacky near the start of the month try to at least figure out what bed you're going to land in before you leap. Others find this behavior endearing mistakenly thinking that you've finally let loose. (The initiated know that letting loose for you means black PVC, a riding crop...and a ball-gag if you think they need it.) The world is rarely ready for a Scorpio gone wild, so just smile and enjoy the extra attention.
Sagittarius (November 22 -- December 21) What to do, what to do when the hunted don't understand the catch and release system. You wooed them, you caught them, and now they won't go home. Keep them around as bait to attract attention your way (you are wickedly evil at times) or treat them as a work in progress; a true sub is not built in a day. Failing that, revert to mother bird; teach them to fly on their own then boot them out of the nest. .
Capricorn (December 22 -- January 19) Discipline's a wonderful thing isn't it? Even better when the discipliner and the disciplined are on the same page; otherwise we know it just isn't going to work. Sometimes you do have to step back and look at things logically. We don't work -- we need to be with different people. You don't always have to take one away to add one; more than two is a possibility as well. Maybe they'll take to caning better if they've got someone to hold hands and bend over with.
Aquarius (January 20 -- February 18) Do you ever get that feeling that no one's taking you at your word. "I don't like it when you do that," is more a challenge to them than a cautionary statement. You can throw them a pillow and lock the bedroom door if you want but why leave yourself cold in the middle of the night for something that they aren't getting? Make them listen; make them understand -- if they don't, then go find someone who does. If you then find them naked, collared, and handing you the leash because now they get it feel free to tell them to go walk themselves.
Pisces (February 19 -- March 20) Have you ever seen those little fish that dart about in the pools and eddies near shore? You're like that as the month starts out -- alluring but hard to catch or catch up with. Get all your work done but slow down when it comes to doing the wild thing -- people like to know they've been hit -- not wonder what just happened. Sounded like fucking, felt like fucking for a minute, but there's no one left in the back seat of the car but them; that's not an impression you'll be invited to make more than once.
©2006 by Nola Summers
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Nola Summers combined honest-to-goodness research with time spent on her back gazing at the heavens, and came up with a few ideas of her own on the sexual ins and outs of our individual astrological signs. Her work is never-ending, as the stars and planets continue to move across the sky pulling unsuspecting lovers in their wake. She is a Contributing Editor and Astrologer for Clean Sheets and a Staff Writer for Pulp Magazine. You are invited to visit her teeny tiny My Space space and her Web Site.
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