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Clean Sheets-ology July 2006 Forecast
by Nola Summers
(07/01/06)
Unlike the month of June and its relatively easy start, July goes completely the other way -- get a good grip of something wet, and hang on. Moon Square Sun on July 3 occurs as the First Quarter Moon moves away from the Sun at a 90 degree angle. Take care of small things that can potentially grow into big uncomfortable things; however, if you take your time you'll find that most things fit -- patience is a virtue and perseverance is its own reward. Mercury Retrograde in Leo begins July 4 -- you'll want confirmation of how much they love you. Jupiter is direct July 6 -- fantasies move into the realm of reality. The Sun/Mercury aspect on July 18 shows just how cheap talk can be but it doesn't matter -- no one is really listening so talk yourself up. Mercury Retrograde ends, or goes Direct, in Cancer on July 28; you'll dispense with your earlier need for confirmation that they like you first, and move right on to making your move. Pass the flavored condoms and water-based lube: Summer is finally here.
Aries (March 21 -- April 19) Ever been in that fortunate light where it's not what you do but what you don't do that makes you look good? If you've got a competitor for that certain someone's affections, pay attention but don't overplay your hand. The other party is going to self-destruct so sit back, watch and wait, and be ready to pick up their panties and hand them back at just the right time. Do not wear them on your head a la Captain Underpants -- you're not saving the day with a comedy routine. Hang them on one finger -- the one finger you're going to make them come with...and that's a talent in itself.
Taurus (April 20 -- May 20) Take the time out to get your own. You can play little Miss or Mister Matchmaker but that's not helping you get off. Everyone else is well-oiled, lubed, and thoroughly fucked and it's time to take some back for Papa. All this who saw who first is fine, but if your friend doesn't have the wherewithal to get there first and get his or her own, then it is dibs -- feel free to call it.
Gemini (May21 -- June 20) Sometimes it's not what you say but what you don't say that creates problems, and if they've got a problem then you've got a problem -- that's very, very basic stuff. Many times you ride the pale horse mystical and forget that they can't read your mind. Part of great sex is sharing and showing just how freakin' hot you think they are; how pantingly wet they make you; that having their warm breath blow up and down your dick makes your balls ache. If they can consistently guess what you're thinking then I need to talk to them about a few NFL games coming up....
Cancer (June 21 -- July 22) "Shit happens." Preferably, in our most ungenerous of moods, to someone else -- unfortunately it sometimes comes home stuck to the bottom of our own shoes. You've tracked it on the carpet -- now what? Oddly, when we feel like you know what, someone invariably says we look wonderful: So best advice is to work the negative energy instead of giving in. Hiding your sorrows in the bottom of a bucket of Heavenly Hash ice cream is not better than sex. Sharing it in bed before, during, and after is sticky, nasty, dirty fun. There will be laundry but you'll feel way better about doing it.
Leo (July 23 -- August 22) Oh my, everywhere you look there's a new possibility -- but here's the catch -- the most exciting times will turn out to be with those that you wouldn't normally invite into your world. You are due for a complete turnaround in the bedroom department. It could be a different look, a different culture, a different role --who knows -- but it will not be what has been usual for you. By the time they're done with you, you'll be vibrating at a slow but steady hum and be unable to tell the difference between Travis Tritt and Trick Daddy.
Virgo (August 23 -- September 22) There's always someone who thinks they know what's good for you. Unfortunately this is based purely on what's good for them. The harder they push, the harder you push back. They don't realize that all the effort they're making to control you is working against them as you begin to look outward. One thing though -- not everyone is good at everything -- the oral master of yesterday may have been replaced by the dick-sticking/taking genius of today. What are you going to do? Get rid of one? None? All? Don't be hasty; just wait a bit to see where things settle.
Libra (September 23 -- October 22) You will successfully mix professional and social events this month. Company BBQs, pool parties, and golf tournaments will work out well with many contacts expanded and developed. Scope out the course ahead of time and find the best place for a hole in one (that was lame -- but you get the idea); find out where the pool house is or that little-used downstairs bathroom. Do the groundwork and you'll get what you want. With any luck, you won't have to wait till the next company event to get it again.
Scorpio (October 23 -- November 21) You are always a force to be reckoned with -- you scare the pants off most people just by looking at them in that way you do. You can have what you want -- and usually do -- but you must learn restraint. Even the juiciest, sweetest berry will leave a sour taste if you pick it too soon. If you've come across someone that you think, or already know can keep up with you in and out of bed then don't force them to run the other way by being too obsessive. Don't let them know if they are that one person who can control you without cuffs, gags, blindfolds, or restraints...that's a dangerous admission.
Sagittarius (November 22 -- December 21) Digging and pushing isn't going to get you anywhere. You can push it real good as much as you want but they're not giving it up till they're ready and they know what you're all about. Coming in front of someone new is not so much challenging as it is revealing. Faking it may defeat the purpose but it's safer, so don't be so sure you're getting the real goods just yet -- you will once you prove yourself. Double check those numbers and names you're taking. Calling the right number and using the wrong name usually leads to sudden-dial-tone syndrome.
Capricorn (December 22 -- January 19) This new squeeze you've hooked up with is exciting but throwing off a vibe that you're not quite sure of. Make sure you know what alley you're tip-toeing down before you set off. You do know that going out to play at night doesn't involve anything that resembles the bright orange slide in the park, don't you? On the other hand, if ass-less chaps, and sex on a swing has always intrigued you -- off you go.
Aquarius (January 20 -- February 18) Full speed ahead -- Full stop. Those you run with are ready for anything as the month starts but change their minds and fail to keep their promises when the heat is on. That threesome with your girl's girl -- not happening anymore; hooking up with that guy you were screwing all through college (just to catch up on things of course) -- not happening anymore. And no, they did not promise you could, and stop asking 'cause you're pissing them off -- let it go.
Pisces (February 19 -- March 20) How likely is it that you're the one on point mid-month and everyone else is in a fog? Very actually, and if you've decided to make the big move and don't get the enthusiastic response you've fantasized about (like the one where they immediately go down and give you the best head you've ever had -- and thank you for letting them) don't take it personally. It's not that they don't want to give you their number; they really can't find a pen. Be prepared for any eventuality and small delays that slow your progress.
©2006 by Nola Summers
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Nola Summers combined honest-to-goodness research with time spent on her back gazing at the heavens, and came up with a few ideas of her own on the sexual ins and outs of our individual astrological signs. Her work is never-ending, as the stars and planets continue to move across the sky pulling unsuspecting lovers in their wake. She is a Contributing Editor and Astrologer for Clean Sheets and a Staff Writer for Pulp Magazine. You are invited to visit her teeny tiny My Space space.
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