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Clean Sheets-ology -- July 2007 Forecast
by Nola Summers
(07/01/2007)
Mercury returns to direct motion on July 9 so all those old lovers who've been popping up lately will now clear the scene. Don't forget to hand over the underpants they left on the floor when they skedaddled the first time. Mars square Neptune on July 24 means it's time to take responsibility for those things you didn't do. Did you not go down enough? Did you serve your own selfish needs and now they're serving up themselves somewhere else? Venus Retrograde in Virgo till September 9th gives you time to think back on why you have what you have -- did your reasons for wanting and getting it come from the right place? And going back to the didn't-go-down thing -- you better sort it out before Mars square Saturn on the 30th; now your excuses don't just sound lame and forgettable -- they're actually pissing off your partner. It's not like you didn't get a warning. "I'd like you to go down on me more," is just as much a statement as it is a request.
Aries (March 21 -- April 19) You feel pressured to expand your social circle -- weird thing is that it's pressure from yourself. You don't want to stay home and do the one-handed tango -- um...but if you do, you know, wash up before you hit the clubs. You want to join groups and go on outings etc. If you're going to do one of those naked bike ride things make sure you've got a bike; walking around naked just gets you a night in the cells and that's hopefully not the kind of expanded social circle you're looking for.
Taurus (April 20 -- May 20) So here's the thing -- a new relationship is an opportunity to do things differently. A new relationship brings new responsibilities and maybe the kind that you've not taken on before. What if this time you took on the Friday night dinner job? What if you cooked it -- naked -- and served it -- naked? So, when they come in the door after a long week of work you're doing for them. You will be admired for your take charge attitude and rewarded with things that are wet, warm, have a sweet aroma all their own, and don't come from the oven.
Gemini (May21 -- June 20) Wait and see, wait and see, wait and see -- you're not good with wait and see. You want to get moving on everything but others are not that keen on your ideas yet and it doesn't seem to matter what they are. If they keep saying no -- wait until they're coming and ask them again...by the third time they'll be delirious and will agree to almost anything. If you manage the right hip grind, and hit that spot just right there at just the right time, they'll agree to anything.
Cancer (June 21 -- July 22) You know it's your birthday, they know it's your birthday, but others in your social circle seem to be blowing their own horns more than they're blowing you. Always check the walls at any event; look for the one that is quietly standing just outside the hoopla; look for the one that looks right back at you. If you think they can see what you're thinking, just wait till you can feel it.
Leo (July 23 -- August 22) Should you stay or should you go? Please take your time deciding, in fact take all the time you need to decide as it is up to you. Quick fixes never last especially if they involve things like, I'll never do that again, no he did not have his hand between my legs in the pool. Life is simple so why not start all over again with slide tab "a" into slot "b" and do it from the ground up with someone completely new if you want to.
Virgo (August 23 -- September 22) This is a good month for you to build on what you have but wait until the New Moon on the 14th to really start pulling punches. Your power of persuasion will increase to the point that your needs may be anticipated by lovers. Wouldn't that be nice? Exactly what you need, when, and how you need it. Bring on the New Moon and the flavored lube.
Libra (September 23 -- October 22) Even stalwart Libra goes a little wacky sometimes, and this month you need to think before you speak, and hesitate before you act. You know that look -- the one that says are you freaking nuts? You don't want to see that look. This is also a month where you might overspend; do you really need that lift your ass, spread your legs, no gravity sex-harness? Not to mention the huge hole you've made in the ceiling looking for the joist to hang it...no one will believe you were hanging a plant that big.
Scorpio (October 23 -- November 21) There is nothing a Scorpio likes more than a hard choice -- you'd like it hard, and often. If this relationship you're in now is hard work, think back to what made you choose to be there in the first place. Did you pick it because you wanted them or because of the two or three...or usually more partners that you had to choose from, you thought that this would be the least troublesome? Do what you do best and make them work to keep you satisfied.
Sagittarius (November 22 -- December 21) Your judgment will be impaired after the New Moon -- sort of a happy too-much-mojitos impaired, but any big decisions should be made before the 14th. And yes, looking for a summer love is a decision as is trying to decide ahead of time whether you're going to bin them when those muggy days and nights start cooling off. If only there wasn't the possibility of something better coming along; either a boy in shorts or something sweet in some boy-shorts....decisions, decisions.
Capricorn (December 22 -- January 19) What to do, what to do? Your head says they're trouble but your heart, (and a few other places) say do me. There definitely is some sort of cosmic ironic fuckery out there that makes the most unsuitable person for you the one that you'll drop your pants or lift your skirt for when they give you the slightest signal. Here's the upside -- you're not keeping them for long so go for it, and enjoy it, you do get to give them back.
Aquarius (January 20 -- February 18) My, my, this summer is going to be a bumpy ride for more than one sign. You however are getting on the rollercoaster long before everyone else. When you wake up in the morning next to someone who you wouldn't even consider sleeping with and realize that they've totally, totally rocked your little world, please remember that I told you this would happen. Now, you tell me, was it good, can you even walk?
Pisces (February 19 -- March 20) As the weather warms up, so does everyone else. You however my slippery, smooth little fish with your water energy are cool and collected. So much so, that you can sit back, observe, move in, and manipulate even, the ones that have lost their minds in the heat. Not in an evil way of course, but if you know an Aquarius or two there's definitely some action available there. (See above.) There is nothing quite like slippery and smooth when it's been warmed up in the summer sun.
©2007 by Nola Summers
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Nola Summers combined honest-to-goodness research with time spent on her back gazing at the heavens, and came up with a few ideas of her own on the sexual ins and outs of our individual astrological signs. Her work is never-ending, as the stars and planets continue to move across the sky pulling unsuspecting lovers in their wake. She is a Contributing Editor and Astrologer for Clean Sheets and a Staff Writer for Pulp Magazine. You are invited to visit her MySpace space and her Web site.
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