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Clean Sheets-ology April 2007 Forecast
by Nola Summers
(01/04/07)
The Full Moon in Libra on April 2 urges you to compromise. Don't
confuse compromise with giving it all away. If that plug looks a
little big, tell them you're willing to work that fantasy of theirs,
but for you to comply they'll have to downsize just a bit. On another dirty note,
April 22 is Earth day so go get your groove on outside.
If you're in the northern hemisphere and that oozy damp earth is still frozen,
you have my permission to engage in some sticky, nasty, next morning funky-from-last-night
sex: celebrate your own earthiness. There's some explosive energy in the air
with Mars Conjunct Uranus on April 29th and Mars Square Jupiter on April 30th.
You might come with a bang and be ready to go again before you know it.
These aspects can also make you speak without thinking -- the best way to
avoid that is to keep your tongue buried somewhere sweet.
Aries (March 21 -- April 19) Fitting the pieces in is more than doing a jigsaw puzzle -- but think about how pleased you always are when everything does fit and there's not a lick of space or air between them. That -- dear Aries is a testament to your determination and desire. Now that you're in there, or they're in there, take a moment to savor that full to the brim, couldn't fit another thing in feeling. Delicious isn't it?
Taurus (April 20 -- May 20) Are they even paying attention to how much you're paying attention to them? It doesn't feel like it, but it's your nature to pay attention to the details -- and good fucking is all in the details. You can call it making love if you want but you know it's fucking. Just do your thing; maybe when they've suddenly realized that the plug you've just worked in is just that teensy bit bigger than the last one they'll realize that you knew it was time to move up a notch. Maybe next time they'll notice too.
Gemini (May21 -- June 20) You want it right now -- and lucky for everyone else -- they know that about you. Doesn't matter if it's a new pair of shoes, a car, your dinner, or them sitting on your face: you want it now. They've learned the hard way that just slipping off to the bathroom for a second before hand usually results in you redirecting your attention somewhere else. They just wanted to make sure they were all sparkle and fresh breath for your benefit so it would not kill you to freaking wait a minute; nothing like the tingle of cool mint on your tenderest parts.
Cancer (June 21 -- July 22) Can no one see over the next hill but you? It's not easy to let loved ones do their thing and remain detached, but sometimes the little birds need to fly on their own for a minute or two. When they return to the nest make sure you discipline them appropriately. Hope you spent some of their away time wandering the aisles of the hardware store and you've got those restraining rings already bolted down. This job might be a little bigger than the stockings around the bedposts...maybe next time they'll listen.
Leo (July 23 -- August 22) You want to get moving and wonder if they can keep up. Who cares? Your energy level will pull them along and hold them up -- yes they can come again and you're going to show them how -- you are definitely calling the shots. Finally you get to do things your way; you love the idea of controlling how they come, how many times they come, and yes -- even -- if they come. They should pay attention to how much you're enjoying this role. And they'd better be prepared to play their role. The sub might be the visual focal point; but it is the dom that's the real star; it's an art and a skill that you're ready to take on.
Virgo (August 23 -- September 22) You do have a sense of humor that's quite good and you can laugh out loud at your own mistakes. In fact, it's your ability to keep things light and accept blame that's going to save you. Did you mix up the regular and grande condoms? Or did you mix up who you were putting them on? Keep the boxes as far apart as you keep your lovers; that whole oops bought the wrong size is only going to work once...especially if the wrong box is half empty next time.
Libra (September 23 -- October 22) Part of indecision is just plain old wishy-washy-ness, but the advantage is that you get to sit back and observe what's going on around you. Not quite sure if your new bedmate is worthy of the long haul, take a moment and watch them interact with your crew. Watch the eye contact, the accidental tit bumps, crotch rubs, and ass touches. Here's a big one -- pay attention to the timing of washroom exits. Check the stalls in both bathrooms. They don't think you're going to catch on -- but you will catch on, catch them, and then cut them both loose.
Scorpio (October 23 -- November 21) People do want to tell you their business, and as entertaining as it is to you you'd be well-advised to steer clear of making any personality and character judgements -- out loud anyway. Redo your own bedroom; luxuriate on your own new sheets, and sink below that downy cover. You could have an army under there, or maybe just a few fingers of your own. Nothing says lovin' like you do -- especially when it's you that you're doing.
Sagittarius (November 22 -- December 21) All those no way/never again decisions might teeter and fall with the same speed that opportunities arrive; especially if promises and declarations made by others seem too good to be true. Now there's no reason at all that you shouldn't hookup with Mr. or Miss Moneybags, but if the shoes in the closet scream senior citizen and you're in bed with someone that definitely has got it going on, maybe you're doing the house sitter. If you are, have fun -- just clean up after yourself.
Capricorn (December 22 -- January 19) Sometimes it is just too hard to keep your hands off your new co-workers. If this is the case try to give it a day or two or three so you can make sure that the corporation hasn't upped the crazy quota as well. Yes, yes, yes it is hot, hot, hot doing it on the desk, or in the coffee room, or in the elevator but you've heard of security cameras haven't you. It's not so much whether you do or don't want to be seen as do you want to be seen by the security guard...you know where those videos end up don't you?
Aquarius (January 20 -- February 18) So many invitations and so little time; it's like it's your birthday all over again. It might seem that way so you might as well go on and get down with your bad self. Got a wall flower in tow? Do everything you can to elevate their self-esteem to the point that they will go to the fetish party with you; so nice to see a new initiate blossom under all that attention. Be supportive -- it always pays off. Oh yes, it's always the quite ones you gotta watch out for.
Pisces (February 19 -- March 20) You were too bored and lazy to make most decisions over the last month. Rear entry or missionary, ropes or blindfolds, clips or clothes pins -- who cares, it's all good. You let them take control and now they're not handing it back; on the other hand it's nice to be taken care of. Your energy level is high this cycle and loads of attention comes your way. Wait, are they taking advantage of you? Only of your generous good nature as you let them tie you up -- again.
©2007 by Nola Summers
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Nola Summers combined honest-to-goodness research with time spent on her back gazing at the heavens, and came up with a few ideas of her own on the sexual ins and outs of our individual astrological signs. Her work is never-ending, as the stars and planets continue to move across the sky pulling unsuspecting lovers in their wake. She is a Contributing Editor and Astrologer for Clean Sheets and a Staff Writer for Pulp Magazine. You are invited to visit her MySpace space and her Web site.
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