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Clean Sheets-ology March 2006 Forecast
by Nola Summers
(03/02/06)
The only truly noteworthy or predictable thing about the whole in and out like lambs or lions for the month of March is the in and out part. If the weather is really dreadful then stay inside and make love like a lion (loud and proud) -- or a lamb (warm and cuddly). If it's nice outside then go get your groove on out there. Mercury Retrograde started on March 2 and lasts till the 25th so once again I will warn you that snafus, kerfuffles, and niggly little details will delay and confuse ordinary events -- like ripping the last condom along with the package, leaving a wet hot voicemail for the wrong person, calling out "Jane" when you meant "John" -- and that's a tough one to explain. The March 14th Full Moon in Virgo and the Lunar Eclipse work together to propel us in cleaning out our personal closets. Examine relationships and kick whoever belongs on the curb out to the curb. Feng Shui yourself as well as your surroundings; I picture the perfect piece of furniture placed in the perfect spot. Move it around till it's just so -- drape yourself ass up -- just so. Lovers will find the arrangement pleasing and you -- placed just so -- perfectly do-able right where you are. The March 29th New Moon in Aries and coinciding Solar Eclipse will reverse the order of what is natural in our personal lives. We may do things that we haven't done before or simply do them in another order; switch up the tongue 'n' come routine with the come 'n' tongue -- go ahead, take a moment and figure that one out.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Every meeting you engage in is exciting for you as you are constantly evaluating potential partners. Male or female -- you don't really care do you? Just looking is a way of life and if you want to proceed to touching then pick your partner before mid-month. You'll have better luck if you target one in the crowd as opposed to trying to run round and get a literal feel off everyone.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Out with the old and in with the new. If that's where you want to go then this month you will be successful in changing things up. It is truly wonderful when everything flows in the same direction. You both like to watch the Pistons; you both like buttered bagels, salt and vinegar chips, and purple pop; you both like back door sex. Wait a minute; better sort that one out; who's giving and who's getting?
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Sometimes when what you need is not available to you all the time you try to do too much when the opportunity arises. Don't take your partner on a whirlwind tour of the wet and warm spots -- remember: all things in time. Recline and let them pay homage with their mouth and tongue for as long as they want to. Everything else will be that much wetter and hotter when you get there.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) When it comes to romance, sex, and relationships you need to remember that there really isn't a right or wrong situation. Everything has its gray areas; what worked with one partner might have to be tweaked to work with another. You might need to finish the nice slow pace that pitched one over the edge with an ending hard pound. You don't have to be able to work your own leg up behind your head, but do aim for a measure of flexibility.
Leo (July 23-August 22) Feeling bound by the expectations and limitations set by others? Might as well be tied up but never mind the fuzzy cuffs; go all out. Research the art of Japanese rope bondage and you will be center stage just where you like to be. Knotted, webbed, spread, and presented -- audience participation and interaction is encouraged.
Virgo (August 23-September 22) This is a very assertive and confident time for you; all those "ain't gonna happen" things are happening. You did swallow that didn't you? See, not so bad after all. Partly because you decided to and partly because they didn't ask -- it's still never too late to let them know that you appreciate the whole non-pressure thing. Everyone's happy. Don't forget to wipe your chin.
Libra (September 23-October 22) It's not easy for you to accept that others can be trusted and do have something to teach you. There are a million ways to fuck your lover -- and believe me -- you don't know them all. If you insist that you do, then allow the possibility that there are a million and one. That one way is the elusive one you don't know, and only they can show you.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21) My, my, has someone doubted your resolve? If your lover said that the next fingers that touch your pussy had better be theirs...would that be a challenge? Don't they know that they are the fuel that stokes that self-loving fire? Telling a Scorpio that you don't think they can do something is akin to dousing that fire with gasoline. Still, what would it be like to wait that long? If the first time after absence is as good as the very first time, would it be even better to be truly chaste in between...very, very un-Scorpion like...if only they hadn't said that you couldn't do it.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) In your efforts to be a full-service love-making machine you come up with new-to-you ways of doing things. There is a popular misconception that if you bring some new physicality into your bed that you "learned it" from someone else. This can cause tension especially if the proceedings come to a complete halt and you find yourself having to explain "where the fuck did you learn that?" So before you get to the naked stage bring up any saw, heard, read about, want to try this things that need bringing up.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19) We're going to have a group hug right about now and share the wealth. This month your word to remember is sharing. You can try and go down on your co-worker's wife but the key is that you should be one who is sharing what you have in whatever way you want to share it. Read the above entry for Sagittarius and take note of the part about bringing things up before they happen. If full happy sharing is to take place, everyone involved needs to be involved from the start.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18) Getting the heebie-jeebies is a feeling that you can't really explain -- usually the harbinger of something coming -- what and where from remain a mystery but you can feel that something is on the way. Be open to changes, events, and persons that appear under unusual circumstance. You find yourself naked, blindfolded, and restrained on a St Andrew's Cross. You might not have envisioned this, certainly couldn't have imagined that you'd like it -- but you were warned.
Pisces (February 19-March 20) Stop pouting, and pissing and moaning; put all that bad energy behind you. No one will want to play with you if you don't. Use any aggressive energy to aggressively go after who you want. Rebound relationships are frowned upon by many people. Common feeling is that you are just with someone because who you really want to be with is no longer available. Well, so what. You're filling the time frame between where you've been and where you want to go with a substitute and everyday you are banging each other senseless. Please explain how that's not good. Feel free to carry on.
©2006 by Nola Summers
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Nola Summers combined honest-to-goodness research with time spent on her back gazing at the heavens, and came up with a few ideas of her own on the sexual ins and outs of our individual astrological signs. Her work is never-ending, as the stars and planets continue to move across the sky, pulling unsuspecting lovers in their wake.
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