by The Official Slut of the New Millenium
(06/13/01)
Dear Offical Slut,
I read your answer where you told Sad Stanley to go to Phoenix to find more success with women and anal sex. Wrong. He'd do better in Washington, D.C. -- there are a lot of kinky women here, and a great BDSM scene.
Helpful Ed in Washington
Dear HEW,
I'll skip the cheap slut joke about politicians and the possible "up your ass." But now I'm curious -- men, and the gals with strap-ons, research this for us. How many successful anal encounters have you completed with women where you live? Send us your stats and tell us where you live -- it's baseball season, so let's call it the Ass Fucking Average. Your AFA would be the number of successes divided by the number of attempts, and you'll end up with something like .500, or in Stanley's case, maybe .010 . And it almost goes without saying that we assume that you do all this in an SSCC manner -- Safe, Sane, Consensual and Charming.
Dear Slut,
Do you ever cum in your panties?
Hoss
Dear Hoss,
I'm sorry, but the Clean Sheets staff will not let me answer any question with the word "cum" in it. They're anal that way.
Dear Slut,
Two questions: My husband and I have been together (happily!) for 16 years. I think one of the keys to our happiness has been an open dialogue in the realm of sexuality. I know my husband enjoys anal stimulation and I have a strap-on. I am the type that likes to garner as much information as I can when I enter into something new. I want this to be an enjoyable experience for both of us. My problem is I seem to be having a difficult time finding information about this on the Internet. Got any suggestions?
Also, I enjoy fellating my husband, but have never tried to "deepthroat" him. This is something I would really like to try, but I have a small palate. This has never been a problem before, as I use my hand as an extension of my mouth technique and have been able to keep my teeth covered. Don't laugh, but I tried to deep throat a banana (carefully!) and was unable to keep my teeth covered. Any suggestions? Is there a device I could use to keep at least my top teeth covered?
Every Man's Dream Wife
Dear Dream Wife,
What city do you live in? Inquiring men would like to know.
Great information is available on anal sex online, and in video and book form:
Butt Love is right here in Clean Sheets
Tristan Taormino's Anal Advisor is a popular online forum
Bend Over Boyfriend -- the Carol Queen video, certainly works as Bend Over Husband
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex -- the video
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women - the book
Now, about this banana -- has anybody ever noticed that cocks are not like bananas, except in the vaguest of ways? Practicing with a soft, flexible dildo works much better, since you can't bite off a piece, or permanently smoosh it in your throat. While it's true that anybody can learn to "deep throat" a cock regardless of mouth-size, it's never necessary that you do so...especially when you own a strap-on. If you want to do it, you have to learn the basic sword-swallower skill of eliminating your gag reflex. There's a great step-by-step description of this, along with other oral sex techniques at
The Art of
Oral Sex. And be sure to read Clean Sheets own Heather Shaw's classic article, How To Suck.
Dear Slut,
Is there some food that makes women taste sweeter for cunnilingus?
Fruity and Sour in Florida
Dear Fruity,
Pinneaple, kiwi, and celery, the Clean Sheets experts say. Vegetarians are rumored to taste better in general, and some say that drinking beer makes things taste better, or at least it seems that way.
Nobody knows if this works for everyone, and the popularity of the pinneaple juice suggestion may just be some conspiracy of the pinneaple grower's association, but it's always worth a try. My favorite tip, however, is to suck on an Altoid mint and then dive, because the sparks and sensation are far more fun than any vegetable you'll ever eat!
Keep your questions coming,
and coming,
and coming...
Until next time,
The Official Slut
