by John Reoli
(01/14/09)
Mattel, Hasbro, Fisher-Price, and Legos have yet to design a toy better than a cock.
A cock may not walk down stairs, alone or in pairs, or make that slinkety sound, but as fun it's a wonderful toy. A thing, a thing, a marvelous thing that's fun for a girl or a boy.
A cock doesn't require assembly or batteries. The rules for its enjoyment are pretty much self-evident, yet for some, gentle tutelage is required. Like the best manmade toys, a cock is a totem unleashing imagination, one might even say fantasy. A cock has role-playing potential without an X-Box. You can play with it alone or with friends at a party. Dice aren't necessary, but when introduced, chance does create opportunities for cock games of your own invention.
A cock is very portable, you can bring your cock along while juggling bowling pins -- try doing that while schlepping an Easy Bake Oven to your friend's house.
A cock doesn't make loud, repetitive, annoying noises. Thank God a cock can't talk. Like some dolls, it pees; and as an added bonus, a cock has an extra bodily function when enjoyed vigorously. But unlike some dolls, a cock's hair doesn't get longer when you pull it.
You can play dress-up with a cock, but it's best not to stick a fake nose or ears into a cock like you would with Mr. Potato Head, even if the cock in question bears a striking resemblance to Mr. Potato Head. You can, however, draw on a cock, just use erasable, hypoallergenic markers.
Cocks vary in size, shape and color, and like snowflakes no two are alike, so don't get disappointed if you don't have the same exact cock as your friend. When sharing your cock with others, be certain you haven't promised it to somebody else. People get very possessive about cocks.
Like balloons, cocks can increase or decrease in size, but this depends on the amount and quality of the blowing.
Lastly, a note of caution, although no one has ever died or suffered injury while playing with a cock, be careful, we don't want cocks to be banned like Lawn Darts.
