by Sally Miller
(10/14/09)
Sex can drain our resources, or it can renew our energies. The difference is what happens in our heads — our thinking, and therefore, our feelings.
Feelings are preceded by thoughts, conscious or otherwise. Sometimes we aren't
conscious of thoughts or feelings. Often, then, our body gives us a jolt and
says, hey, wake up! Pay attention! by getting sick, having an "accident," or otherwise demanding we become more aware of ourselves. We may experience a psychotic episode (such as depression or panic attack), a migraine headache, erection blockage, or asthma flare up.
I remember once going to the refrigerator and feeling my leg buckle for no
apparent reason. Wow, what pain.
What made that happen? I asked myself. What was the preceding
thought? At that point I had become fairly practiced in the technique
of examining thoughts and behavior.
I remember glancing over to where my boyfriend was sitting at the kitchen table.
I thought, he looks so good there, so comfortable, so at home.
My next thought had been, I wish he would be there all the time, every night,
forever.
Anguish, the quickly darting feeling, I catch it. Anguish from knowing that he will never be there, all the time, every night, forever. Though logically I don't think I would really want forever.
My knee catches, but by the time I have recaptured and become aware of that last logical thought — that I wouldn't really want him there all the time — my pain has vanished, my walk has straightened, and I look over at him, still sitting there, and enjoy him for what he is now, here with me for the moment.
By bringing our thoughts and feelings to the surface to discover and examine, we defuse them, dissipating the negative energy, redirecting it into knowing ourselves, and being at one with our present reality.
If we don't like our thinking, we can change it.
If we believe (believing is just a specialized kind of thinking) that sex can drain our resources, then it will. If we believe it can renew our energies, then it will. Sex is not just body parts, it is beliefs and attitudes and thinking and feeling — all of which are within our power to change. If necessary, we can take all the beliefs and logic we've been carrying around all of our lives and dump them, starting anew as an adult to figure out what is right for us, and for our lives as we choose them.
