 Runner-up in the Sex & Politics Writing Contest
Run for Orifice
by Lydia Grand
(10/06/04)
Get this. A friend of a friend had this sister, older, who had a friend, and she said this:
She used to work on the Hill for some senator, Senator Whatever, Senator Clit Licker, and she was blowing him, you know, job security, but it was getting tiresome, and one day he tells her, OK, I have this stuff here, it has to go to Senator Kerry. Of course she knows who Kerry is, even though this is like a while ago, like before Teresa probably, because he is kind of a stand-out guy? Right? So anyway, Senator Licker says Go, you have to take these to Kerry, but he's not at his place now, you'll have to drop them off later tonight. Because it was like late in August, during their recession? Or recess, anyway, and so she goes home, decides she'll take a run and drop them off, because Kerry has this place like a townhouse down 8th Street southeast, you know? Like down there by the Marine barracks and wasn't he a Marine or something? Navy? Whatever, so anyway...
She runs over there and tells Kerry she's from so and so, he lets her in, and he's just lounging, you know, like in shorts and T-shirt, hanging in his flip flops. And oh yeah, her senator told her Kerry would probably have something for her, so she should wait. So she tells Kerry, You know, Senator Clit Licker asked me to wait for you to read this stuff, and Kerry looks a little bit off at that, but he takes this letter opener thing, sharp knife, and slices the envelope down the edge whoosh.
So he's standing there, reading, and suddenly his eyebrows go up a little, which I guess they don't anymore? The Botox? But anyway, she sees his eyebrows go up and he sort of turns a little to her and just blatantly checks her out, you know? And he starts to flip through some of the other pages. She can tell they're photos...
He finishes and hands the whole lot to her. A letter from Senator Clit Licker, apparently his wife has gotten wind of the fellatio arrangement. "My wife has suggested that perhaps you would be best to handle this body of evidence...yadda..." And there's her, spreadeagle, in one of the senator's nudie pix he swore would be destroyed.
So now she's got the full body blush going, standing right in front of Kerry, near enough to naked in her running shorts and jog bra, and she tries to throw some shit.
Like, I don't believe I come equipped with a handle, she says. So Kerry comes in, steps close, and leans in to her just lined up with her ear. It's been my experience, and his voice is right there, deep, that when one finds oneself in a tight situation, and honest to god he slips his hand right up there, right into her shorts, and a quick finger right in so she tightens on him right on cue, like a white-knuckle grip, it's best to improvise. He holds her for a second, pressing forward with his finger, leans the heel of his hand up against her clit, pushing, then pulls out all together, straightens up, and leaves her standing there.
He takes that finger and traces it up her chest, all the way up her throat, and tips her chin up, and he's looking her over and it's that look, you know? Where she's getting hot from it and she can tell from his shorts that he's liking what he sees.
You must be hot from your run, he says, picks her straight up, and lands her on the kitchen counter. He takes that letter opener thingy, slices straight down the front of her jog bra, twists the remains of it back behind her, slides the ends to her wrists, and catches the back in some pot hooks hanging over her. So now she's tied up, arms wide over head, breasts out, nipples up, butt on the edge of the counter. And he takes the slicer again, and this time it's down, straight down the front of her shorts, quick across the crotch, and there she is. He flips the shorts away from her body, but doesn't touch her yet, just carefully smoothes away the fabric, his hands close, very close, but no touch. He arranges two stools there, unties her sneakers, peels off her socks, and props one leg on each stool, just so, so she's all out and open, everything she's got right there on display and ready for action. And what can she do? The whole thing is so wild, she's just going with it, feeling herself practically stretch to his hands, her body tense and hot, her cunt ready to grab him if he gets close enough.
He leaves her there, turns around to the refrigerator, and it's just like a bachelor's fridge, right, nothing but a bottle of ketchup, but he gets some ice from the freezer and turns to her. He starts with her nipples, tracing around with one hand, the other hand up around her throat, not hard, but not so gentle, just a little pressure, and he moves from the nipples with the ice down, pulls her apart with his fingers, spreads the lips with his ice, dips it in long, till she's freezing hot, rolls it forward around her saluting clit, she's hot, she's cold, first one thing, then the other, back and forth, having it both ways, she's so ready for him and finally, finally, he leans in close, and well...
And well?
Kerry licked bush that night.
©2004 by Lydia Grand
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Lydia Grand says she is a bit of a cliche: a bored housewife, buried by housework, who has to go online to find Clean Sheets -- and a little bit of dirt she doesn't have to clean up.
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