by Sam Garcia
(1/14/04)
I think it was her smile that turned me on the most. Crooked, suggestive, hot. Erica. She laughed in bed so many times, at the strangest moments. If I didn't stay hard, it could become a giggly game of kissing hide and seek. If she couldn't orgasm when she wanted to, we'd call for "Dr. Phil," the nickname for her Magic Wand, who could solve all problems. And then of course I'd have to ask her afterwards, in my best TV psychologist voice, "And how's that working for you?"
But what I remember the most is that the night before she left me, New Year's Eve, we had great sex for hours. We made out at midnight like teenagers, then left the party and slid toward my bedroom to strip off our fancy clothes. She climbed on top of me, and was more aggressive than usual, almost glowing in her desire. Sparkling, suggestive, hot. Erica. She held me down, rode me as she wanted, then slid off, moving next to her favorite position, ass up on the side of the bed. We did it all. I thought everything was working really well, always believing that good sex was the most important thing. We moved through orgasms all around, and pauses and massages and more heat, and more and more, until exhaustion finally overtook us.
There was a letter for me on the kitchen counter after she left late on New Year's Day, and I could tell she'd carefully written it before New Year's Eve. I guess I was one of her resolutions. It was full of girl-reasons for leaving -- communication, feelings, emotional needs unmet -- which usually means a woman has found another guy and the problems are no longer worth her time to work on.
To realize that she used me for one last great night of sex makes me both happy and sad. I wish I could have videotaped it, could have my own private porn film of something that I thought mattered, and then maybe I'd feel studly instead of stupid. But instead I guess I'll just keep her photograph on my desk at home for a while longer, a sultry pose she had taken just for me that shows that tease of passion just beneath her smile. Suggestive, hot, missing. Erica.
