by Susannah Indigo
(05/02/01)

Raindrops on roses and whisking the kitten, fluffin' the muffin and warming the mitten; brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of our favorite things...

Assuming the packages have new sex toys in them, of course.

Knitting the clit, flipping the flossy, buttering the biscuit, and jilling the posse -- these are only a few more of over a thousand terms for masturbation. Yes, May is upon us, and Clean Sheets celebrates National Masturbation Month in full glory. Has there ever been a more pleasurable and useful celebration invented? -- no gifts, no feasts, no flowers to be sent -- just sex and more sex.

But it's also educational, and even political. Good Vibrations began celebrating National Masturbation Month six years ago in order to highlight the importance of masturbation for nearly everyone. As they say, "it's safe, it's healthy, it's free, it's pleasurable, and it helps people get to know their bodies and their sexual responses. Of all the kinds of sex people can have, masturbation is the most universal and important, and yet so few people talk about it freely -- worse, many people still feel it is "second best" or problematic in some way. National Masturbation Month lets everyone emphasize how great it is -- and how natural, and how common."

Toys in Babeland will be holding a Masturbation Summit press conference on May 4 in New York City, because they feel that "with [New York City Mayor] Giuliani crusading against adult book stores that sell masturbation material, and with a President who, as Governor of Texas, maintained laws making it easier to buy a gun than a vibrator, it's more important than ever to speak out and destigmatize masturbation." Texas, like six other states in the U.S., restricts the sale and distribution of sex toys.

Events during May include the 3rd National Masturbate-A-Thon fundraiser, where participants "Come For A Cause," and masturbation workshops, along with Good Vibration's Masturbation Hall of Fame. At Clean Sheets we will offer a variety of fiction, exotica, articles, and a special art gallery, all intended to bring masturbation out of the closet and both inspire and entertain during this particularly "merry" month of May. So enjoy yourself while people enjoy themselves, and remember --

When the puss bites, when the bee sings, when we're feeling sad, we simply remember our favorite things, and then we just feel (deliciously) bad.