by Susannah Indigo
(02/07/01)

"Somewhere I have never travelled
gladly beyond any experience..."

-- e.e. cummings

When I was in college, I read a magazine article about an explorer named John Goddard, who kept a childhood list of 127 things he wanted to do before he died. I was already an inveterate list maker in search of things that were "better than sex", so I began to make my list of a hundred things to do before I died. It was hard to get beyond thirty or so, but I was quite inspired, and quite capable of cheating off of Goddard's published list, so I got to a hundred, and still have the list today. It surprises me to read it now -- although I was a very romantic and over-sexed young girl at that time, there is no mention of sex anywhere on the list. Love, family, children -- yes -- but nothing about soul, sensuality, passion, or sex.

So I've checked Goddard's list -- he had no sexual goals on his list at the age of fifteen either, although perhaps he just hid that list from his parents.

People write about Goddard regularly now, including a new book arriving this spring, but they usually write about the inspiration of making a list and checking the experiences off. I think that what I would most like to know about a life lived from an adventure-list is harder to check: Was he happy? Was it enough? Did his list obsess him and drive him crazy? Did his children have a soul-connection with him at the end of his life, since he was gone adventuring so much? Did he have great, mind-blowing sex? Was he passionately in love?

I came across another list on the Net that was inspired by Goddard -- this one from a married couple in Iowa. At least they have "make love in the snow" on their list, and "skinny-dip", and say that they've accomplished "marrying their soulmates." (They also have a clicker counting down how many seconds they have "left to live," a calculation I'm not sure I want to know.) They have lots of "not currently being pursued" items, which I can understand. I've modified my list many times through the years. (Is this cheating? Are there rules?) My original list included "travel to the North and South Poles," a goal that clearly came from the unfocused, romantic heart of a young girl. Why on earth I would ever want to do this is beyond my rational brain now, but at one time those kinds of trips seemed exotic and sexy to me.

A young trip, gladly beyond my previous experience: Number 9 on my list said "pilot an airplane," so I checked into a small airport when I was 25 and signed up for a "10 hours to solo" course. I did it. And then I stopped doing it, leaving the skies a safer place. I went home, shaking, after I had soloed, and had good, safe, warm sex with a loving partner who I forgot to count on my list as an adventure, and then put my piloting moment gladly beyond my future experience.

Where have you travelled? Where do you want to go? These are great questions. Do you have people on your list? Sex? Big Fun just for the sake of it? Contributing to the world? I've noted that the concept of "mastery" has begun to pop up often in my revised Before I Die list. Instead of just "have children" -- number 15 on the original list -- it's now "raise wise, creative kids who are capable of joy and owning inner-strength," and is number 1. "Master the art of living" has been added, along with "master the art of making beaded earrings," perhaps nobler goals than just trying things to be able to say that I've done them.

I love to travel, though I no longer have any real desire to "travel around the world"(number 6). But as I modify my list over time, I notice that travel to physical destinations tends to fall away, to be replaced by adventure behind closed doors ("make love with two men" -- new number 42, replaced "See the Pyramids.") "To spend a month at a nude beach resort with my lover" (new number 49) has way more potential for my sensuality and my happiness than "Climb all the 14K mountains in Colorado"(old number 49). Not to mention being a whole lot easier.

I've learned that travel to physical destinations takes money, time, and energy, but only a limited amount of imagination. It is much harder to take the trips that don't involve plane tickets, the trips that take place within your creativity, your home, your relationships, and your sexuality. Somewhere I have never travelled/gladly beyond any experience, e.e. cummings said in his beautiful poem of love, writing about his lover's eyes and hands, the intensity of passionate love. What is beyond our experience is sometimes right in our laps, and often found in the most unexpected ways.

A trip, gladly beyond my previous experience: I have meditated for hours in a Zen center, sitting amidst the soothing music, the candles, and the emerald velvet curtains that always remind me of "Gone With the Wind" even though I'm not supposed to be "thinking." I am already high on the peaceful centering of sitting for so long when I find myself after the session in a deep, passionate embrace on the pillows with a lover who thinks it's a "right-action" to have sex right there in the Zen center. The high is continued, and the sex is other-worldly, and there is a soulful, ecstatic, pleasure zone and human connection that I have found that is not on anybody's list of things to do before they die, but should be the first, middle and last item in every single life as we travel through our days, welcoming the erotic, the exotic, the ordinary, and the incredible realm of the unknown.

Clean Sheets welcomes you this month to our travel experience, from the exotic places to the erotic secrets of the heart, including sexy "Breakfast in Bed" recommendations, what it means to be "Queer in Russia," the location of the Zero-G spot during "Sex in Space," the gypsies of "Lost Angelica," a long slow train ride toward love, and the secret sex life of a jitterbug.

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