by Caroline Wolfe
(08/08/07)
How to Make Love to a Woman
When making love to a woman, start first with her eyes. Notice how they sparkle with excitement, the way little flecks of color reflect meaning as she looks back at you. See there her mind longing to reach you, to be touched in a place held back for an average embrace. When making love to a woman, start first with her eyes, and you will find the true woman, whether heavy or slight, tall or short, large breasted or small.
From her eyes, drop down the length of her nose. Trace the outline of her lips. Let her kiss your fingertips softly in return. Gently stroke her cheek, and do not lose your gaze upon her eyes. Ignite the energy, charged and excited, as electrons race through her body. Then hold her chin in the cusp of your palm, and place your lips upon her forehead, on the space between her eyes, and on the parting of her mouth. Witness all the years she has worn, the lines around her eyes, the worry and the laughter, the wear and tear of life. This is all that she has to offer you.
When you have had a good long look, notice next the tender way her neckline curves, the pulsing of her life through artery from heart to mind. See here her vulnerability. Breathe your heated breath upon her skin. Feel the way her defenses fall away, the way she finds your ear. Hear the soft moan that rumbles like distant summer thunder clouds.
Do not trespass until you know her story. Find the outline of her life in the way her body yields, in the layers and the stretches, in the scars and the pain. Only when you understand her joys and sorrows, her dreams and disappointments, can you honestly make love to a woman. If you still need to learn these things, stop, have some dinner. Wait for another day.
But if your heart knows that she is ready to meet your soul, then turn your hand and run smooth fingernails along her collar bone. Drop down the center of her breasts and glimpse the flash of lightning as her nipples dance. Oh, how she longs for you to stroke them, suckle them, knead them firmly in your hands. Take your cue by the way she arches her back to meet you. Watch the way her eyes roll behind closed lids. Listen for the gathering storm, and you will know exactly what to do.
Although she parts her legs, eager for you to find her, you may not rush ahead. Instead, rub her soft belly; follow the birth lines if she has them, and notice the way she twitches with longing. Kiss the space below her hips, at that tender tissue between bone and sinew. If a man carries the world upon his shoulders, then a woman carries the weight of her life upon her hips. It is the laundry basket overflowing, a wailing child. Have you eased her burden in any way? Thought to share the weight of her load? If you have, she will reward you now, allow you to enter her most private thoughts, offer you herself.
Gently run your fingers through the soft curly hair there. Now her knees, back up her thighs. Grab hold of her curling toes. Feel how wet she has become. The thunder clouds clash, hot fire, electricity sparks. Unfold her blooming flower; linger there until she cries out. You need not wait any longer. Now, now, she is ready to receive you. Meet her hips thrust forward to find you. Then, look into her eyes, and watch the rain begin to fall.
How to Make Love to a Man
A man is apt to think that making love is a simple matter, the elements as basic as H2O. His formula might include an attractive mate, the right circumstance, and a variable of his choosing. But to truly make love to a man, you must first allow him to navigate the waters of his own emotion, chart his inner sea.
Ask a man what he thinks and you may have a wonderful conversation. Ask a man how he feels, and he may pause. Give him time to consider his options, to search the horizon for points of reference. Am I happy, relative to what? Do you mean right now or in general? What are the consequences of my response? He must reason through his choices, and given enough time to drift, he will have his answer.
To make love to a man, start with silence. When you meet at the end of the day, stand facing him and smile. Do not speak; do not bombard him with your worries and concerns. By nature he is often a problem solver, so leave this task for another time. Instead, take his hands in yours and notice the way they toil for those he loves. Gently kiss each finger in gratitude for its hard work.
Allow the tension of the day to subside, the gentle lapping of waves upon the shore. Guide his hands to the small of your back. Press your clothed breasts against his chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. Feel the length of him, the stature of a man his greatest accomplishment. Notice the way he smells your shampooed hair, your musky desire for him. Tilt your head to receive his kisses on your neck. Let him hear you sigh with pleasure.
Since you have both had a long day, do not expect a performance from him now. Instead, relax, have a drink, cook a meal together. Let him decide how much oil, how much salt. Do not sabotage his efforts to please you. Massage his shoulders while he stirs, releasing the tension from the muscles in his back. Resist your urge to fill this space with idle chatter. Rather, revel the moment as you stand beside him at the cutting board. Feel the salty tides of his heart beat. Later, when the conditions are right, lead him up the stairs to your room, to the life raft of your shared bed. He is excited by your eagerness, by your willingness to direct him. Unbutton your blouse. Slide your slacks to the floor. Stand confidently in your body. This is not the time to point out its flaws. What he sees right now is your desire, the way you need him in your life. He wants you as a reflection of the way you want him back.
You may feel tempted to hurry things along. Instead, touch the places he does not expect. Kiss the balding spot on his head, his eyebrows and his pulsing temple. Run your hands down the strength of his arms. Linger over his chest. Feel him pressing upwards against the elastic of his boxers. Trace the wet excitement forming as he lies back on the bed. Now, straddle his hips and look down honestly at your mate. Where would you be without him? Stranded on a lonely island, lost at sea? In your appreciation for all that he means to you, for the miracle of having found each other, for the everyday way you build the ship of your lives together, let your passion spill rushing waters over the whole of him. And when that sweet moment of penetration binds you, he will be certain of his answer. "I feel loved."
