reviewed by Ann Regentin
I know, I know. The UPS guy is such a cliché, but this one really was
something worth looking at, an ordinary Joe with a warm, friendly
smile. He was also a bit apologetic. He was late. It wasn't his usual
route, and my street has no sign.
That was okay. I knew what was in the box, so I forgave him instantly.
My mother was over, but as the apple did not fall far from the tree, I
tore into the carton and we went straight for a blue and white gift box
with a white and silver ribbon. Inside was a bottle of toy cleaner, a
few condoms, three AA batteries, a bottle of Babe Lube, and an Elastomer
Rabbit Habit vibrator.
I've never watched a lot of Sex and the City, but I did happen to catch the
episode in which Charlotte had to have her Rabbit taken away before she
became a bedridden recluse. It struck me as being a bit overblown, but
I knew that women who liked their Rabbits really, really liked them,
which is why, when I got a chance to try one, I jumped at it. Neither
my mother nor I had ever had our hands on one before, and we passed it
back and forth, speculating wildly.
However open-minded my mother might be, though, I draw the line at
incestuous exhibitionism and sharing my toys, so I waited until bedtime
to try my new playthings. The Babe Lube is thicker than I'm used to,
but it doesn't dry out quickly, something I was grateful for later. I
didn't bother with the condoms, since the Elastomer skin has a
wonderful feel of its own and, as I said before, I have no intention of
The Rabbit has had a few changes made from its earlier
incarnations. The bunny itself is angled closer to the shaft, and the
beads are on a track. The new Elastomer skin reminds me of some of my
son's squishier toys in a translucent, sparkly lavender. The controls,
though, are classic: a pair of sliders located on the battery case, one
for the shaft and one for the ears. The overall look also remains the
same, part functional and part silly.
I was starting cold, but that's okay, since I warm up pretty quickly,
so I just lubed up, slid the Rabbit in and started playing with the
controls. It took some experimenting to get the angle and stimulation
right, but once I did, it was only ten minutes to Nirvana.
This is impressive, given that I'm taking Cymbalta for
fibromyalgia. Cymbalta is a serotonin reuptake inhibitor, one of that
class of drugs notorious for interfering with sexual response, and it
has increased my usual time to half an hour, twenty minutes if I'm
lucky. The Rabbit cut that in half, and doubled the intensity of my
orgasm. I have never come so hard in my life.
Not surprising, really. What the Rabbit does better than any other toy
I've seen is the pas de deux most effective for inducing female orgasm:
clitoral stimulation combined with vaginal penetration. The rotation of
the Rabbit's shaft is remarkably like thrusting, which feels nice even
if you don't have a G-spot, and while I didn't usually feel the beads
when they were moving, I definitely noticed when they weren't. In the
last few seconds before orgasm, I not only noticed them, I could almost
The Rabbit's ears are nicely designed. I was worried about this, since
not every woman is constructed the same way, but I found that their
length and flexibility not only made them work just fine, but even gave
me some options as to how they were placed. I could range easily from
steady pressure to a light tickle just by varying the penetration depth
and angle of the shaft.
So short of a serious problem, the Rabbit will probably work even when
nothing else does, and for women who have no issues with orgasm, it
will be hard to keep from passing out. The sensations were so intense
that I didn't even have the presence of mind to fantasize. I was too
focused on the Rabbit.
The Rabbit is great for women with limited use of their hands. I have
arthritis in mine, so long sessions involving a lot of effort on my
part can get painful where you don't expect it, in ways that can have
unpleasant consequences for hours afterward. The Rabbit was a welcome
relief, as the only movements required on my part were slight
adjustments to the angle and the controls. Even better, the vibrations
extended into my hand, offering a bit of incidental pain relief.
It would also be great for the partners of women who require extended
or very specific stimulation in order to reach orgasm. Once the
vibration and rotation rates are set, all the partner has to do is hold
the Rabbit in place and watch the victim go slowly insane. No tired
fingers or tongue, and no more worrying about getting everything just
In fact, for any man who reads this rave and worries that he might be
supplanted by a few motors encased in Elastomer, I have the answer. Buy
her this kit, but insist that it be kept at your place, under your side
of the bed, or anywhere that she must go through you to reach. If she's
the type that likes it, and odds are in your favor, you will hold the
keys to the kingdom.
There are a few caveats. The Rabbit has a lot of moving parts, and the
more moving parts you have, the greater the chance of a breakdown. I'm
not going to abuse mine in order to find out what goes first, but the
shaft and beads strike me as most vulnerable, especially since the
depth or angle of penetration can stop them from moving, as can a solid
grip with the PC muscles. This is best avoided, as the motors will
break if this happens too often. Some women have reported "strangling"
their Rabbit to death this way.
The key, I think, is positioning it correctly and relaxing. It's not
easy, especially if you've been keeping up with your Kegels. On the
other hand, cultivating a touch of Zen while masturbating with the toy
equivalent of a nuclear warhead can cause mind-bending orgasms. It's
tricky, but it's worth it.
Also, while the Elastomer feels great, some users have reported
tears. If you have long or broken nails, be sure to keep them from
digging while you handle it, and don't pull on any part of it or bump
it into corners or edges. In fact, my one wish is that the Rabbit came
with a sturdy case or even a cloth bag, because it's not the sort of
thing I feel comfortable just tossing into the drawer. It might be
worthwhile to find or make a bag for it. That's what I intend to do for
However, I'd like to make it clear that these are not design
flaws. They're what makes the Rabbit work the way it does. Without
those motors, the Rabbit would be just another dildo and vibe. As
Elastomer is hypoallergenic and phthalate-free, it's a real improvement
over latex or vinyl. The Rabbit's compromises are what sets it apart
from other toys.
Another issue is that when both the ears and the shaft are running,
they tend to run a bit slower. No surprise there, since they're both
using the same power source. What I found worked best was figuring out
which of the two I needed most (the ears), and setting the speed on the
other part (the shaft) first. When I turned the ears on, the shaft
slowed down, but I didn't care. After a few minutes, I was able to
tweak both settings until I had speeds I liked.
So the Rabbit is a bit of a demanding lover, but take good care of it
and it delivers. Just like the UPS guy, come to think of it.