reviewed by Ann Regentin
(12/05/2007)

I know, I know. The UPS guy is such a cliché, but this one really was something worth looking at, an ordinary Joe with a warm, friendly smile. He was also a bit apologetic. He was late. It wasn't his usual route, and my street has no sign.

That was okay. I knew what was in the box, so I forgave him instantly.

My mother was over, but as the apple did not fall far from the tree, I tore into the carton and we went straight for a blue and white gift box with a white and silver ribbon. Inside was a bottle of toy cleaner, a few condoms, three AA batteries, a bottle of Babe Lube, and an Elastomer Rabbit Habit vibrator.

I don't watch Sex and the City as a rule, but I did happen to catch the episode in which Charlotte had to have her Rabbit taken away before she became a bedridden recluse. It struck me as being a bit overblown, but I knew that women who liked their Rabbits really, really liked them, which is why, when I got a chance to try one, I jumped at it. Neither my mother nor I had ever had our hands on one before, and we passed it back and forth, speculating wildly.

However open-minded my mother might be, though, I draw the line at incestuous exhibitionism and sharing my toys, so I waited until bedtime to try my new playthings. The Babe Lube is thicker than I'm used to, but it doesn't dry out quickly, something I was grateful for later. I didn't bother with the condoms, since the Elastomer skin has a wonderful feel of its own and, as I said before, I have no intention of sharing.

The Rabbit has had a few changes made from its earlier incarnations. The bunny itself is angled closer to the shaft, and the beads are on a track. The new Elastomer skin reminds me of some of my son's squishier toys in a translucent, sparkly lavender. The controls, though, are classic: a pair of sliders located on the battery case, one for the shaft and one for the ears. The overall look also remains the same, part functional and part silly.

I was starting cold, but that's okay, since I warm up pretty quickly, so I just lubed up, slid the Rabbit in and started playing with the controls. It took some experimenting to get the angle and stimulation right, but once I did, it was only ten minutes to Nirvana.

This is impressive, given that I'm taking Cymbalta for fibromyalgia. Cymbalta is a serotonin reuptake inhibitor, one of that class of drugs notorious for interfering with sexual response, and it has increased my usual time to half an hour, twenty minutes if I'm lucky. The Rabbit cut that in half, and doubled the intensity of my orgasm. I have never come so hard in my life.

Not surprising, really. What the Rabbit does better than any other toy I've seen is the pas de deux most effective for inducing female orgasm: clitoral stimulation combined with vaginal penetration. The rotation of the Rabbit's shaft is remarkably like thrusting, which feels nice even if you don't have a G-spot, and while I didn't usually feel the beads when they were moving, I definitely noticed when they weren't. In the last few seconds before orgasm, I not only noticed them, I could almost count them.

The Rabbit's ears are nicely designed. I was worried about this, since not every woman is constructed the same way, but I found that their length and flexibility not only made them work just fine, but even gave me some options as to how they were placed. I could range easily from steady pressure to a light tickle just by varying the penetration depth and angle of the shaft.

So short of a serious problem, the Rabbit will probably work even when nothing else does, and for women who have no issues with orgasm, it will be hard to keep from passing out. The sensations were so intense that I didn't even have the presence of mind to fantasize. I was too focused on the Rabbit.

The Rabbit is great for women with limited use of their hands. I have arthritis in mine, so long sessions involving a lot of effort on my part can get painful where you don't expect it, in ways that can have unpleasant consequences for hours afterward. The Rabbit was a welcome relief, as the only movements required on my part were slight adjustments to the angle and the controls. Even better, the vibrations extended into my hand, offering a bit of incidental pain relief.

It would also be great for the partners of women who require extended or very specific stimulation in order to reach orgasm. Once the vibration and rotation rates are set, all the partner has to do is hold the Rabbit in place and watch the victim go slowly insane. No tired fingers or tongue, and no more worrying about getting everything just right.

In fact, for any man who reads this rave and worries that he might be supplanted by a few motors encased in Elastomer, I have the answer. Buy her this kit, but insist that it be kept at your place, under your side of the bed, or anywhere that she must go through you to reach. If she's the type that likes it, and odds are in your favor, you will hold the keys to the kingdom.

There are a few caveats. The Rabbit has a lot of moving parts, and the more moving parts you have, the greater the chance of a breakdown. I'm not going to abuse mine in order to find out what goes first, but the shaft and beads strike me as most vulnerable, especially since the depth or angle of penetration can stop them from moving, as can a solid grip with the PC muscles. This is best avoided, as the motors will break if this happens too often. Some women have reported "strangling" their Rabbit to death this way.

The key, I think, is positioning it correctly and relaxing. It's not easy, especially if you've been keeping up with your Kegels. On the other hand, cultivating a touch of Zen while masturbating with the toy equivalent of a nuclear warhead can cause mind-bending orgasms. It's tricky, but it's worth it.

Also, while the Elastomer feels great, some users have reported tears. If you have long or broken nails, be sure to keep them from digging while you handle it, and don't pull on any part of it or bump it into corners or edges. In fact, my one wish is that the Rabbit came with a sturdy case or even a cloth bag, because it's not the sort of thing I feel comfortable just tossing into the drawer. It might be worthwhile to find or make a bag for it. That's what I intend to do for mine.

However, I'd like to make it clear that these are not design flaws. They're what makes the Rabbit work the way it does. Without those motors, the Rabbit would be just another dildo and vibe. As Elastomer is hypoallergenic and phthalate-free, it's a real improvement over latex or vinyl. The Rabbit's compromises are what sets it apart from other toys.

Another issue is that when both the ears and the shaft are running, they tend to run a bit slower. No surprise there, since they're both using the same power source. What I found worked best was figuring out which of the two I needed most (the ears), and setting the speed on the other part (the shaft) first. When I turned the ears on, the shaft slowed down, but I didn't care. After a few minutes, I was able to tweak both settings until I had speeds I liked.

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