by Sally Miller
(10/14/09)
1. A woman can have an orgasm from nursing a baby.
Although a breast orgasm can cause the unsuspecting mother much dismay, it is physically no different than if her partner mouthed her nipple to climax. Personal stories have often circulated in La Leche League meetings, giving mothers fair warning about what might happen.
2. Men (as well as women) can be multi-orgasmic.
The pioneering study of multi-orgasmic men was documented in Any Man Can, by William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian. Their conclusion was that some men have learned the technique of having several orgasms and then one ejaculation (or the reverse: one ejaculation and several subsequent orgasms) as young boys, but that with awareness and exercise, almost any man could become multi-orgasmic, at least during masturbation. I have had five or six lovers who were multi-orgasmic, and it was fun to bring each other off again and again until we became satiated.
3. Childbirth exercises (the Kegels) done on a regular basis will:
a) help a woman learn to have an orgasm and even ejaculate b) help a woman's orgasm become stronger c) help a man learn control of ejaculation and orgasm d) lessen a man's chances of prostate cancer e) keep the pelvic area healthier in men and women
Paradoxically, the Kegels were developed for women to use after having a baby, though now they are taught in Lamaze and other natural childbirth classes, including those held at most hospitals.
Ironically, most urologists, who primarily see men for urinary, prostate, and sexual functioning problems, do not give Kegels to their patients. Often a man may go through his entire life without knowing about his pubococcygeus (PC) muscles.
4. Men can climax from having their nipples licked, sucked, and manually stimulated.
I remember the first time this happened to a man I was with. He was somewhat overweight, and had a chest not unlike a small-breasted women. He was delighted to find that I enjoyed playing with and stimulating his nipples, and after a lot of attention, he went into a roaring climax. Needless to say, I was quite surprised, but I have since found other men who responded similarly.
5. A woman's clitoris enlarges after age fifty, or menopause, making it easier to find and stimulate than when she was younger.
As reported at a Society for the Scientific Study of Sex conference in June 1990, many women's clits enlarge after menopause, making them feel and look more like a small penis. As more is discovered and written about older women's sexuality, perhaps more men will discover older women.
6. Ingesting cannabis flowers often makes good sex better. Cannabis is currently illegal in most of the United States.
Hypersensitivity has been described as "energy in the bank." Smoking or eating cannabis flowers (also known as marijuana) tends to turn up the sensitivity -- to music, to odors, to food, to touch, to spiritual communication, and of course, to sex in its many forms. The Sexual Power of Marijuana, by Barbara Lewis, documents 208 middle-class adults who utilized cannabis as a way of making their sex lives more pleasurable. Betty Dodson revealed her own experiences with this sexual enhancer in Sex For One.
7. Some men can separate ejaculation (the physical release of semen and fluid) from orgasm (the subjective feeling of release).
Hartman and Fithian studied males who had this ability. They found that one of the best ways to become aware of the difference between the two is to do the Kegels on a regular basis, and develop the PC muscles (and awareness) in the pelvic area.
8. Some women ejaculate, and can therefore also separate ejaculation from orgasm.
Female ejaculation is another learned behavior (or relearned?) which no one is presently teaching, except in a recently released video, How to Ejaculate (For Women), by Blush Entertainment. The G-Spot authors gave female ejaculation mention in 1982, but mostly in connection with a particular spot inside the vagina. Hartman/Fithian and Ray Stubbs have found other spots, but barely mention ejaculation. I believe it has to do with good PC muscle control and completely letting go.
9. There is a kind of sex that transcends the body.
If you focus your attention completely in the here and now-- concentrate on the sensations you are feeling, hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting -- you will quickly be transported.
Followers of Eastern philosophies have known this for thousands of years, through hundreds of centuries (Californians for about 30 years), but most of the "civilized" population in America is still consumed with breast implants, pornographic movies, AIDS, incest, and rape.
A close friend of mine who recently died -- at home, peacefully, in the arms of another close friend -- said during his last week of life, "Attention is all there is."
10. If a man wants his partner to be more assertive in bed, he should learn to be passive. The reverse is also true.
The man who lies still for a body rub will encourage his partner to become more involved. The woman who makes decisions and initiates sexual encounters ultimately has more control (and pleasure) than the passive woman who stays on the bottom and lies still, though convincing her of this is extremely difficult. Therefore I feel that men will have to be the ones to help women become more assertive by seeking out and asking for situations where they (the men) are the submissive or passive partners.
