by William S. Dean
(09/27/06)
Known simply as "Sky," the man is a whirlwind of erotic activity. A Featured Model at the For The Girls.com Web Site, Head Honcho and erotica wrangler at his own The Erotic Journey Web Site, and host/presenter/MC of Detroit's infamous The Dirty Show, Sky unveils his erotic thoughts in this exclusive Clean Sheets interview.
Clean Sheets (CS): Those of us working in the sexuality and erotica genres have always known that a good portion of women enjoy looking at erotically charged graphics and media, though many still feel a bit shy about admitting it. At the For The Girls.com Web Site, they seem to have bowled right over the pretense and boldly asserted that the general population of women are just as visually stimulated as men can be. How did it feel personally to be a figure of sexual admiration and desire when you were a featured model on the Web Site?
Sky: It's always a thrill to be naked and on display (I've been modeling nude as a side job for a few years now). Crossing that line, letting others see me sporting an erection or enjoying myself masturbating, is powerfully liberating. To appear on For The Girls is a great honor for me, to sense the artist/eroticist/exhibitionist in me is welcomed by the mainstream. And of course, it's a big-time turn-on imagining their subscribers bringing these images of me into the privacy of their own erotic minds, stirring up the most lascivious thoughts, nipples perking, getting moist. Yes, this all feeds my ego a bit, but as much I'm grateful to help build sexual tension in others which I hope they bring into their private relationships.
CS: At For The Girls, there still seems to be an emphasis on "women like to look at big cocks"? We know that size can be an issue, but what about the other attributes of male sexuality that can contribute to a fulfilling sex relationship between men and women? What do you think are the three most important "other factors" (besides a big cock)?
Sky: Well, first, if I may comment, regarding size. My wife has assured me many times size doesn't really matter to her. As truly gracious as she is in her assurance, it nonetheless sheds light on that bit of inadequacy I feel.
If I were notably larger than the average I am -- talking national average here, of course, it would be quite a stretch to "compete" with most of the other men appearing on FTG -- I believe I wouldn't feel this inadequacy. However, this is not to say I'd be happier in the long run to wake up one morning and see that the endowment fairy had switched my cock out for a bigger one. Yes, my wife and I both would welcome the enhanced pleasure this would bring to intercourse. But beyond the matter of simple anatomical geometry, and setting aside that fucking is just one of many ways we enjoy exploring our sexuality, if I lost this underlying feeling of inadequacy, I'd lose a powerful source of sexual excitement.
How's this? It's only in accepting I can't possible be all my wife would desire and lust for that keeps my jealousy alive and healthy. And I've learned to appreciate this jealousy. It keeps me from falling into complacency and cultivates sexual tension. You see, when I notice my wife checking out another man, when her eyes show her excitement to be looking wantonly at some other man in his naked glory, when she shares memories of sexcapades with former lovers, when I hear her gasp as she takes in the entirety of her most generous novelty cock, I get bone hard in a flash and want to get down and dirty with her right then and there. I wouldn't forfeit any of this for a bigger cock.
But now to your question, and a great one at that. In the context of "a fulfilling sex relationship between men and women," I'd say three other main factors of male sexuality are, without regard to order:
a -- A smile that says "I want to have some delicious fun with you." Call it flirting. Call it giving her "that" look. When a man puts the end-goal of orgasm on the back burner and focuses on making it fun, tantalizing, and pleasurable for his lover to get there, it usually shows, in a most enticing way.
b -- Taking courage to explore and expose one's deeper sexual self. By deeper, I mean the inner stirring of erotic thoughts, imagination, and fantasy. Of course one's lover isn't obligated to fulfill all such stirrings. But when a man dares let go of fear, and shares what's going on in his mind, in an honest, responsible way, it's a powerful freeing experience and opens the doors for enrichment, diversity, and downright sizzling fun. It might be a desire to have her watch you masturbate, taste your cum mixed with your lover's juices oozing out her pussy, role playing, toy play, kinky fun. Dare explore, and have fun doing it. To each their own.
c -- Showing an appreciation for intimacy as well as one's strengths. Here, what I mean is for a man to appreciate his own intimacy as well as his strengths, and to appreciate both these attributes in his lover. From my studies and experience, most men can't fully claim their masculine side without acknowledging that innate feminine within, just as most woman need to have their masculine side acknowledged too. And talking doesn't cut it, it has to be brought into action. Take turns caressing one another, slowly, tenderly, intimately. If you're both comfortable with it, every inch. Learn to appreciate giving and receiving this type of loving, whether as foreplay or afterglow.
CS: You're the guiding light, as well, at The Erotic Journey. What's the premise behind The Erotic Journey and how has it changed, if it has, your perspective on women's openness about expressing publicly their sexual feelings?
Sky: I launched The Erotic Journey primarily because, in all my searching, I couldn't find a Web Site offering photo and written content that pandered to the prurient for both men and women, particularly one that welcomed and encouraged couples to share together. Add to this my being the mytho-poetic exhibitionist-humorist aspiring writer/photographer I am, with a deep passion for helping others appreciate the power and joy of their own sexuality. I just had to do it. At this point I'm putting out a new issue twice a year.
As you know, the matter of sharing is so important when you're in a serious relationship. Being willing to delve into and share at least some of your curiosity, fantasies, and desires, can be powerfully liberating, and lets your lover know you're wanting to take intimacy deeper than just the physical. Let's claim it, the practice of getting off in private rarely helps cultivate a relationship. No question, masturbating over porn, to movies, or a sizzling read can be fun and enjoyable. But if this is always kept hidden from a partner then guilt invariably seeps in, weakening the foundation of the relationship. The Erotic Journey, if nothing else, is a place for people in a relationship to practice "coming clean" with one another about their private dirty thoughts. This help helps cultivate the relationship.
I can't say keeping my erotic Web Zine going has directly changed my perspective on women's openness about sexuality. It has reinforced the notion that "nice" women can enjoy being as naughty as any "dirty minded" man. I had learned this though e-mail correspondence, message threads, on-line role-play, and the comments, stories and photos shared by trusted dear women friends I know in real life.
CS: The Erotic Journey has a strong graphic line, but also includes erotic fiction. What -- to you -- are the elements of good erotic fiction and how do the writings at The Erotic Journey present these?
Sky: Hmmmm. Tough question again. Let me first, though, point out that the erotic writings on The Erotic Journey includes both fiction and non-fiction. Most of my writings posted are non-fiction.
To me, a well written piece that draws me in and gets into my head, turning me on, mind and body, is good erotica. And well written means that the words become near transparent while riding the story line from beginning to end. I'm not hung up on what the popular style of the year may be (which point of view, telling vs. showing, etc). I'm honored to be able to showcase so many wonderful pieces from a gathering of diverse writers, aspiring to be polished. And I find it refreshing to offer a broad range of writing styles: first person, narrative, even the ethereal Faulkner-like Melted Daydreams, a sizzling piece by Kandii Kiss.
CS: What exactly is The Dirty Show and what makes it uniquely a Detroit event? Is there a particular sexual milieu that is different in Detroit, in other words, is there a discernible Detroit attitude about sex and erotica that makes The Dirty Show what it is?
Sky: For this question, and the next, I went right to the source, Jerry Vile. Here's what he says, in his words:
"Because what happens in Detroit, stays in Detroit. You have to work really hard to get props from your peers and notice of the outside world is almost unheard of. That's why so many of our artists are so fucking amazing -- plus the distractions that come from living where everything is nice and there are a million things to do don't exist.
"What makes us special are our patrons -- it is an a-list of all the different demographics -- without the tight asses. The people who come here are just as smart as at a gallery show, except they aren't snobby about it. Art should be something you want to look at. People who don't want to look at erotica probably aren't a lot of fun -- lucky for us. We keep it under the radar (we won't do radio interviews) and don't explain what we are in our flyers or Alt Weekly (Metro Times) ads, so we haven't been discovered by assholes, which is even more important. Detroit definitely has an attitude -- not just about sex and erotica -- about everything."
CS: How did The Dirty Show originate and who are its primary movers and shakers?
Sky: Again, in the words of Jerry Vile:
"The Dirty Show is a slap in the face to the art establishment and it hits a nerve. We started out as a tiny art show in an office because no gallery that had enough wall space would show us. We just kept growing -- we figure because of word of mouth. People that come to Dirty want to be part of it -- and all these artists keep coming out of the woodwork. And they told friends about it. So we decided to open it up to the entire world, Juxtapoz Magazine became a sponsor and we are still reinventing ourselves. The amount of work we receive is amazing -- it is really getting hard to jury the show, we have to cut so much."
CS: Could you describe generally what a newbie attendee at The Dirty Show would experience? Is it worth someone traveling, say a hundred miles or more to attend?
Sky: At first a bit overwhelming. The art on display, from glorious to humorous to shocking, representing all media, with something for everyone, from every life-style you'd imagine, and maybe one or two you wouldn't have.
Vintage, black-and-white porn movie shorts. Background music epitomized by Frank Zappa's "Give Me Your Dirty Love." Stage performances, from professional burlesque reviews, to dirty poetry readings by yours truly (in a thong), to the antics of a paddle wielding dominatrix lighting up the bare ass of a willing male to the roar of the crowd. Over-the-edge vendor booths, which in the past included a naughty private photo-booth for one or a small group, an artist offering porno-caricatures of you and a friend together, a lemonade stand with a most buxom woman demonstrating how she can make a lemon disappear. And to top is off, the titillating display of so many of the attendees taking this opportunity to put a lusty eyeful of their selves on display. Some in nothing more than shoes and g-string, with their nipples covered with black tape, or paint, or whipping cream. Of course the show is offered as "a sensory overload of dirty delights." I'd say it lives up to the claim.
A notable part of the whole experience for me is watching the reaction of the attendees. Most seem to settle down and have some red-faced fun with it all, tuning in and getting turned on. Some are clearly embarrassed with their mind/body reaction to be in the midst of this wall-to-wall sexual energy, so they leave.
Now as to being worth traveling 100 miles -- having attended previous Dirty Shows, I'd say "Yes!" without question.
CS: Some sex workers (including models) are able to compartmentalize somewhat their "work" from their sexual play. Is that true for you or are you able to integrate all your erotic work into the complete you as a personality?
Sky: My work as erotic model and photographer is an outlet for who I really am. A genuine part of my persona, rather than an act. That part I keep mostly hidden day-to-day in my interaction with others.
When it's my wife doing the photography, and she's in the mood, I do my best to let go of that boundary between work and play. Otherwise, when it's some other woman behind the camera, the only interaction between me and the photographer is that you'd see between unabashed exhibitionist and willing voyeur. Just words, no touching. But I'll tell you, it's a powerful thrill to get naked and naughty for other women.
For The Girls
The Erotic Journey
The Dirty Show
