$13.95
ISBN 1890159476
available through
Amazon
Reviewed by Jean Roberta
(09/08/04)
"Erotic roleplay is possessed of a magic of its own: the
magic of transformation. For however brief a spell, we can
go wherever, be and do whatever we wish...This process
of transformation and creation has, at its fundament, a
triad of its own: the pillars of Desire, Passion and
Fulfillment."
Deborah Addington, a Domme who teaches diverse skills,
including ritual scarification, piercing, and fisting, leads
the doubtful novice reader into the combination of drama
and sex called roleplay, among other things. Some of what
she says about the acting-out of sexual scenes would be
familiar to any performance artist. As various stars have
claimed, performing can be better than sex. Imagine (or
remember) how good a performance can be when it includes
sex.
In the first section of Fantasy Made Flesh, called "The Bones of Fantasy,"
the author defines several key terms, including "scene:
"a set time and place for an interaction focused around
specific elements of energy exchange with a pleasurable
goal in mind." The word "sex" is notably absent from this
description.
On the subject of what is "erotic" as distinct from
"sexual," Addington quotes fellow Greenery Press author
Janet Green (who also writes as "Catherine A. Liszt" and
"Lady Green"):
"I've had to resort to the word 'erotic' in order to
explain -- as I often do, in my role as an educator -- how
someone could enjoy, say, doing his mistress's dishes,
without ever being overtly sexually turned on by it. A
heightened consciousness, a sense of 'rightness,' a
connection with a self that isn't accessible by other
means: to me, that's eroticism."
However, the roleplay and the scenes that Addington
describes generally do seem to involve the kind of interaction
that leads to orgasm.
Throughout the book, Addington uses a pirate-and-wench
scene as a model for erotic roleplay in general. In the
negotiation that apparently preceded the real-life scene,
Addington discussed things ahead of time with the
attractive submissive woman who agreed to play the role of
a captive heiress to Addington's pirate captain.
The negotiation is quoted in full, and it covers such
issues as the captive's degree of "resistance" (minimal in
a first scene, since consensual physical conflict is a
tricky issue that deserves a book unto itself), the use of
props and toys, spanking (the "captive" stretched a
personal boundary by agreeing to let the "pirate" use a
leather glove), fisting (the "captive" refused to accept
this in a first scene, with the option of renegotiating
later), costumes, and first aid for emergencies. Addington
recommends that negotiations cover all potential problem
areas, so that the scene itself can run smoothly, especially
if the players are newly-acquainted. A sample checklist is
included in the back of the book.
In the second section of the book, "The Flesh of Fantasy,"
the author discusses planning for a scene by developing a
role or character and gathering the necessary props. She
explains: "props and costumes serve as substitutes for the
psychological connectivity to an image that one might lack.
I'd need no props at all to do a vampire/victim scene,
because of my personal passions and proclivities; that
image is well-developed and resident in my head."
The author discusses the interactive nature of roleplay:
"In an erotic roleplay scene, we are performers and
audience both; it's a perfect symbiosis. My pirate creates
her wench, her wenching creates more piracy in me; my
piracy opens up the possibility of greater wenchliness...You know you're really in scenespace when you realize you'd
forgotten, for however brief a moment, that you're not
really a pirate -- or pony, or spaceman." For those who
don't already have favourite roles in mind, Addington
provides lists of roles (secretary/boss, pimp/whore,
pet/owner, etc.) for two-person scenes and for group scenes
(gang bang in a bar, May Day festivities, etc.).
This book is an attractive introduction to the art of
erotic roleplay, but the opening section includes an
excessive amount of advice for the inhibited reader. As
the author herself points out, anyone who has picked up
this book probably has an interest in the subject.
Addington advises: "Without really thinking too much, and
with as little criticism as you can manage, make a list of
every single reason why you could never do erotic
roleplay." She goes on to advise the reader to debrief
from this exercise by taking a nap, eating chicken soup, or
punching a pillow, and then by finding rebuttals for every
one of the reasons given by the internal Saboteur.
This self-help seems a bit unnecessary for readers who have
already tapped into their creative sides, especially in an
erotic context. On the other hand, readers who feel that
erotic roleplay is only for the mentally ill are unlikely
to finish reading the book.
The author assures the reader: "You need not identify as
kinky, with all the stigmas that still linger with that
distinction, in order to expand your sexual repertoire."
Oh, for sure -- and I bet the Mistress can buy groceries in
her leather corset (the one she wears in the photo on her
Web site) without attracting attention.
"Coming out" into any new sexual identity carries a risk of
being stigmatized by others. How likely is it that a
conservative married couple, caught in a scene by their
conservative neighbors, would not be considered kinky?
What are the chances that a single person who likes to
roleplay with compatible others could escape the "kinky"
label altogether? The author could have spent more time
and space on ways to protect privacy, cope with social
stigma, and support other kinksters, and less time on
outwitting the internal spoilsport.
Addington does project a knowledgeable, caring, and stylish
persona, even if some of her advice seems as dishonest as a parent who
tells a child that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid
of. Addington has "a degree in Literature and a credential
in Women's Studies with an emphasis on ending violence
against women. She is an ordained Cleric in the tradition
of Modern Mysticism." You can learn more about
her worldview and the services she provides on her Web site.
