$16.95
ISBN 1881943097
available through
Amazon
Reviewed by Jean Roberta
(08/25/04)
This clearly-written collection of essays on
SM/leather/fetish lifestyles originated from columns in
the legendary SM journal, Drummer, which ceased publication
in the early 1990s. According to Joseph Bean, who edited
the collection:
"Guy began writing for Drummer because Anthony F. DeBlase,
then both publisher and editor of the magazine, wanted him
to write a column about SM relationships. Baldwin's
credentials were impeccable. He was -- and is -- a very much
respected psychotherapist, often working with people whose
problems involve SM play and/or relationships, which either
do (and that's the problem) or don't (and that's the
problem) accommodate SM well." The editor and Gayle Rubin
both explain that although Baldwin's essays were originally
aimed at a largely gay male audience, they apply to a
variety of readers and situations.
The essays are divided into four sections: "The
Relationships Essays," "The Community Commentaries," "On
Enhancing the SM Experience," and "Catapulting Toward
Transformation." Considering that the collection was
published over ten years ago, these essays look
surprisingly up-to-date.
In an introductory essay in the "Relationships" section,
Guy Baldwin comments on his ambivalent early relationship
with Drummer: "Many of you readers have the experience and
sophistication to know that Drummer has been primarily a
fantasy magazine. But I know from my experience as a
therapist that many readers of pornography have tried to
pattern their relationships (and sometimes their lives)
after the stories they have read, mostly in Drummer,
occasionally with disastrous results."
He goes on: "The role models in SM fantasy stories, for
both Tops and bottoms, are more like icons than real
people. They don't live real lives. For the most part,
they populate worlds where no one works or gets sick or has
parents or professional reputations to deal with; where no
one has emotional hang-ups, fears, weaknesses, or feelings
of being trapped or insecure."
Baldwin explains that after he "came out" into the gay male
leather community of the 1960s, he discovered to his
surprise that SM relationships, as distinct from scenes,
really existed, but "what makes for good fantasy did not
look much like anyone's reality." As he found out, "one
does not live by fantasy alone. As it happens, we do not
live by reality alone, either. Typically, the couples that
report feeling good about their involvements are those in
which the partners together have created a blending of
fantasy and reality or, at least, a way to ease the
transition back and forth between the two."
In further essays in this section, Baldwin discusses
Master/slave relationships and polyamory. The best ways to
prevent trouble in all types of BDSM relationships,
according to the author, are to know yourself and
communicate honestly with all your Significant Others.
In a brave and controversial essay on childhood abuse,
Baldwin comments: "While presenting seminars to leather
folks, I have often asked how many in the room were
subjected to child abuse as children, and I am still
shocked when usually more than half the hands in the room
go up." He acknowledges that some readers in the leather
community might accuse him of playing into "the psychiatric
view that all SM is a maladaptive response to child abuse."
However, he insists that "in some cases, that view is
correct." He warns that the SM scene, "even with all its
glories," cannot really heal the long-term wounds that
result from physical or sexual abuse in childhood. He
advises readers to consider whether they are playing in
ways that work for them (that make them feel satisfied) or
simply "continuing the abuses of the past, reinforcing
depression, and prolonging a frustrated search for love."
In the section on community history (as distinct from
personal history), Baldwin gives a fascinating account of
the origins of "Old Guard" in "the group of men who were
soldiers returning home after World War II (1939-1945)."
As he explains, for many young men of the time, serving in
the military was an entry into manhood and a first
experience of "male bonding during periods of high stress."
When these men returned home from war, they wanted to keep
the camaraderie, the discipline, and even (as far as
possible) the uniforms they loved. Their way of keeping
the spirit alive was to form all-male bike clubs and wear
leather as they rode. (Reviewer's note: The Hells Angels,
possibly the most famous of all bike clubs, were originally
named after a unit in the United States Air Force.)
According to Baldwin, the men of the bike clubs rode hard,
played hard, and frequented their own bars. They had sex
lives and initiation rituals that smacked of SM, which
were not discussed with outsiders. As the author explains:
"Those men who were really into dominance and submission,
SM, or leather sex, tended to take these rules [about what
to wear and how to behave, as in the military] rather more
seriously than those who simply thought of themselves as
butch."
In Baldwin's view, the current SM/leather/fetish community
evolved from the separation of small gay-male SM groups
from bike clubs as such, and from the entry of women and
non-macho men into a community which became increasingly
diverse, sophisticated, and publicly visible.
Baldwin's focus is on gay male history, and he summarizes
it convincingly. As a result, however, other and possibly
older SM traditions (such as the private-school punishment
scenes in Victorian porn, which were rooted in actual
practice) are left out of his account of the roots of
leather.
In a sensible essay on teaching outsiders about leather
culture, Baldwin recommends "coming out" as a way of
changing "mainstream" society: "the cutting edge of social
change is one real person explaining himself to one other
real person." The author goes on to say: "I have
discovered that I can soften bigots and turn some of them
into supporters with friendly education. For me, it is a
bit like talking a nervous bottom through a scene that he
is afraid of."
In the section on "Enhancing the SM Experience," the author
discusses the distinct problems of Tops and bottoms, as
reported to him by clients of all persuasions. His advice
to Tops looking for relationships is "to learn when to get
real, and when to get hot, and how to be comfortable with
both." His advice to bottoms is "not to settle for less."
He also discusses the current community focus on the needs
and safety of bottoms. The author describes Tops as the
forgotten members of the leather community. He warns that
if they are not getting their needs for power and control
met, and are even blamed for expressing them, they are less
likely to play. Baldwin suggests that a bottom-focused
value system might be responsible for an alleged shortage
of [good] Tops.
In short, Drummer magazine may be long gone, but readers
can still learn from one of its long-term columnists, an
experienced and wise Daddy to a generation that was not
even born when he first put on leather.
