$16.95
ISBN 1881943097
available through Amazon

Reviewed by Jean Roberta
(08/25/04)

"Guy began writing for Drummer because Anthony F. DeBlase, then both publisher and editor of the magazine, wanted him to write a column about SM relationships. Baldwin's credentials were impeccable. He was -- and is -- a very much respected psychotherapist, often working with people whose problems involve SM play and/or relationships, which either do (and that's the problem) or don't (and that's the problem) accommodate SM well." The editor and Gayle Rubin both explain that although Baldwin's essays were originally aimed at a largely gay male audience, they apply to a variety of readers and situations.

The essays are divided into four sections: "The Relationships Essays," "The Community Commentaries," "On Enhancing the SM Experience," and "Catapulting Toward Transformation." Considering that the collection was published over ten years ago, these essays look surprisingly up-to-date.

In an introductory essay in the "Relationships" section, Guy Baldwin comments on his ambivalent early relationship with Drummer: "Many of you readers have the experience and sophistication to know that Drummer has been primarily a fantasy magazine. But I know from my experience as a therapist that many readers of pornography have tried to pattern their relationships (and sometimes their lives) after the stories they have read, mostly in Drummer, occasionally with disastrous results."

He goes on: "The role models in SM fantasy stories, for both Tops and bottoms, are more like icons than real people. They don't live real lives. For the most part, they populate worlds where no one works or gets sick or has parents or professional reputations to deal with; where no one has emotional hang-ups, fears, weaknesses, or feelings of being trapped or insecure."

Baldwin explains that after he "came out" into the gay male leather community of the 1960s, he discovered to his surprise that SM relationships, as distinct from scenes, really existed, but "what makes for good fantasy did not look much like anyone's reality." As he found out, "one does not live by fantasy alone. As it happens, we do not live by reality alone, either. Typically, the couples that report feeling good about their involvements are those in which the partners together have created a blending of fantasy and reality or, at least, a way to ease the transition back and forth between the two."

In further essays in this section, Baldwin discusses Master/slave relationships and polyamory. The best ways to prevent trouble in all types of BDSM relationships, according to the author, are to know yourself and communicate honestly with all your Significant Others.

In a brave and controversial essay on childhood abuse, Baldwin comments: "While presenting seminars to leather folks, I have often asked how many in the room were subjected to child abuse as children, and I am still shocked when usually more than half the hands in the room go up." He acknowledges that some readers in the leather community might accuse him of playing into "the psychiatric view that all SM is a maladaptive response to child abuse." However, he insists that "in some cases, that view is correct." He warns that the SM scene, "even with all its glories," cannot really heal the long-term wounds that result from physical or sexual abuse in childhood. He advises readers to consider whether they are playing in ways that work for them (that make them feel satisfied) or simply "continuing the abuses of the past, reinforcing depression, and prolonging a frustrated search for love."

In the section on community history (as distinct from personal history), Baldwin gives a fascinating account of the origins of "Old Guard" in "the group of men who were soldiers returning home after World War II (1939-1945)." As he explains, for many young men of the time, serving in the military was an entry into manhood and a first experience of "male bonding during periods of high stress." When these men returned home from war, they wanted to keep the camaraderie, the discipline, and even (as far as possible) the uniforms they loved. Their way of keeping the spirit alive was to form all-male bike clubs and wear leather as they rode. (Reviewer's note: The Hells Angels, possibly the most famous of all bike clubs, were originally named after a unit in the United States Air Force.)

According to Baldwin, the men of the bike clubs rode hard, played hard, and frequented their own bars. They had sex lives and initiation rituals that smacked of SM, which were not discussed with outsiders. As the author explains: "Those men who were really into dominance and submission, SM, or leather sex, tended to take these rules [about what to wear and how to behave, as in the military] rather more seriously than those who simply thought of themselves as butch."

In Baldwin's view, the current SM/leather/fetish community evolved from the separation of small gay-male SM groups from bike clubs as such, and from the entry of women and non-macho men into a community which became increasingly diverse, sophisticated, and publicly visible.

Baldwin's focus is on gay male history, and he summarizes it convincingly. As a result, however, other and possibly older SM traditions (such as the private-school punishment scenes in Victorian porn, which were rooted in actual practice) are left out of his account of the roots of leather.

In a sensible essay on teaching outsiders about leather culture, Baldwin recommends "coming out" as a way of changing "mainstream" society: "the cutting edge of social change is one real person explaining himself to one other real person." The author goes on to say: "I have discovered that I can soften bigots and turn some of them into supporters with friendly education. For me, it is a bit like talking a nervous bottom through a scene that he is afraid of."

In the section on "Enhancing the SM Experience," the author discusses the distinct problems of Tops and bottoms, as reported to him by clients of all persuasions. His advice to Tops looking for relationships is "to learn when to get real, and when to get hot, and how to be comfortable with both." His advice to bottoms is "not to settle for less." He also discusses the current community focus on the needs and safety of bottoms. The author describes Tops as the forgotten members of the leather community. He warns that if they are not getting their needs for power and control met, and are even blamed for expressing them, they are less likely to play. Baldwin suggests that a bottom-focused value system might be responsible for an alleged shortage of [good] Tops.

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