Santa Claus dropped off an early present here -- I thought.
Around Thanksgiving, I read about what must have been the coolest event, or
rather nonevent, of the kinky year. Jack McGeorge, a UN weapons inspector, turned
out to be a heavyweight player and educator in the SM field. McGeorge's biography
at the famed Washington, D.C. SM society Black
Rose, which he helped found, calls him, "a het, male switch with a passion
for bondage and intense role play." He's also presented training workshops at
DCSMA (District of Columbia Sexual Minority
Advocates) and Talon-NC.
Once the fuss started, McGeorge resigned from the committee with this classy
statement:
"I have been very upfront with people in the past about what I do, and it has
never prevented me from getting a job or doing service," McGeorge said. "I am
who I am. I am not ashamed of who I am -- not one bit. But I cannot allow my
actions, as they may be perceived by others, to damage an organization which
has done nothing to deserve that damage."
The Washington Post ineffectually blathered about McGeorge's interest in
"various acts conducted with knives and ropes." This was supposed to somehow
taint his judgment about weapons?
Then something wonderful happened. No one cared about his kink! His
resignation was not accepted. Sure, Timothy Noah protested in Slate that
McGeorge's predilections for "pain" and "torture" were indeed something to
worry about, but he was nearly alone. Most people said McGeorge had a right
to another life outside his professional one.
Maybe, I hoped, Americans are finally getting used to the idea of public figures
having sex lives. Maybe it's a rebound from this whole Big Brother thing, and
everyone wants to let people do what they will in their free time. But it's
better than that; this is SM, something that used to be in the closet -- considered
sinister and dangerous -- fully out now. Even CNN had sex columnist Dan Savage
come in to explain the appeal of kinky play. He described it as, " domination
and submission, sort of cops and robbers for grownups with your pants off,"
often without the risks of penetrative sex.
Jubilant, I logged onto my message boards with the news. A victory for the
good guys! Let's party!
Not a soul responded.
"Why aren't these kinksters more excited?" I asked my friend Jenny. "Now they
can all stop worrying about being outed."
"Uh, they're all into spanking."
She was right. Most of my favorite boards are about kinky schoolmasters; nuns
with rulers; sassy slap and tickle.
"Imagine," Jenny goes on, "if it had been reported that he was a spanko."
Yeah. "Ropes and knives" sounds (if only to the uninitiated) scary. "Spanking"
sounds, well, silly. I wonder if most public figures would be more afraid to
be demonized -- or laughed at. A weapons inspector who liked to spank girls
might just squeak by. A weapons inspector, for instance, who'd been heard to
say he liked having his bare bottom spanked? He'd have a hard time. SM has a
certain high-profile chic today -- spanking is still seen as a rather pathetic
foible.
"Why is that?" I ask Jenny.
"Come on. Spanking is kid stuff. It's all about panties and hairbrushes. Compare
that to Japanese bondage, hot wax, and violet wands. SM has all that neat equipment.
And, it's in style."
Yes, there have been SM photo spreads in Vogue since the late 80s.
And the gear is so much fun. So, is it time to ask Santa for a kink upgrade:
some whips and chain under the Christmas tree?
"You actually do enough scenes with bondage and stuff," Jenny points out,
"to call yourself SM."
"I do enjoy a good dungeon. But I always feel like a tourist somehow." Spanking
is, to quote Shadow Lane's Tony Elka, my "sexual homepage." I'm not sure
I'd want to change. That would be like trading hot chocolate and chicken soup
for an unending diet of "gourmet" food. Escargots, fois gras, champagne. Maybe
it's too rich for my blood.
Spanking is warm, cuddly, girly -- everything I flatter myself I'm
about. And if not as many people are into it (or will admit it) that makes it
kind of an undiscovered pleasure. I tend to admire spanko folk a lot -- maybe
because they've confronted and accepted something in themselves that's, at first
blush, embarrassing and vulnerable-making.
Also, sometimes I think SM is becoming too
popular. As William Dean pointed
out to me:
"It's just the 'latest thing' and in some fantasy world, we'll be seeing BDSM
action figures and SM 'unhappy meals' from a struggling McDonalds...Does anyone
else think it's kind of sad that the objectification(s) of BDSM of late seem
to have sucked the passion out of it?"
Now, I don't want to distance myself from the real (BD)SMers. We all have so
much in common: I think it's unfortunate that different kinky subgroups
sometimes act like rivals, not allies.
I can celebrate the McGeorge victory, even if it's not quite my victory.
The Ashcrofts, the religious fundies, and the Miss Grundies didn't win this
round.
That November gift package still has its luster. So what do I want for
December? Not a kink upgrade, after all. I'm happy here in my cozy little
spanko retreat. Maybe I'll just ask Santa for a new hairbrush, and a few
pairs of thermal panties.
