by Raymond Sullivan
(6/21/00)

Sex and comedy. In the world of alt.sex.stories, there tends to be a trade-off between the two. There are stories about hot sex, but those generally aren't funny. There are occasional parodies (somewhere buried on a Zip disk I have a Gilligan's Island fantasy), but those don't often try to be very erotic. Stimulating the funny bone and, umm, the other funny bone at the same time is a challenge, and it takes a gifted writer to manage it.

Yes, good erotic comedy requires a writer with a keen ear for language, impeccable comic timing, and a firm grasp of the basics of grammar and usage.

It does not, on the other hand, require a shred of dignity.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you M1ke Hunt. Which can be a disturbing statement if you read it out loud, treating the "1" as an "i". (In his earlier stories, M1ke made a distinction between his name, "Mike," and his e-mail address, which included "M1ke." In later writings, he called himself "M1ke" across the boards. I'm abiding by his later decision on the matter.) If alt.sex.stories were a schoolhouse, M1ke would be the class clown.

On the most obvious level, M1ke's writing is precisely what you'd expect from the class clown. It's sophomoric humor. He has a weakness for gratuitous, raunchy puns. Aside from his name, a hotel in one of his earlier stories is called The O'Stikkit Inn, and another of his stories includes a long list of co-workers with names like Neal Downe, Ben Dover, Mike Lit, Connie Lingus, and Peter Wacker.

M1ke does not waste a lot of time on characterization; pretty much all his characters are two-dimensional, cardboard figures who will have sex with the narrator at the drop of a hat. And there's no need for condoms; everybody's assumed to be on the Pill and STD-free. The male narrator goes around pursuing every pussy that comes into view, generally getting the sex he wants before moving on, while the woman's viewpoint generally doesn't come into it at all. Given all of this, one might wonder why I'm wasting my time (and that of the reader) on this guy's work.

It's well worth it. During the one short year that he wrote for alt.sex.stories, M1ke took sophomoric humor, added some spice, and raised it to an art form. He writes using such broad strokes and outrageous statements that his work amounts to a burlesque of the entire form. The use of "Women Are Stupid" as a title may be a prime example of this; it's so far over the top that it's clear that the author knows better. And even while his stories work on the level of raunchy writing, that sort of writing is being taken apart on another.

These stories work primarily due to M1ke's voice; a voice that is witty, self-mocking, self-aware, and clearly having fun. Almost all of his stories are written in the first person, and feature the same narrator: M1ke Hunt, writer of true -- well, mostly true -- sex stories. In "The Topless Bar," he even goes so far as to have the protagonist be caught with his pants down by a police officer... who turns out to be a fan of M1ke's writings. It's a lovely postmodern moment, although M1ke himself would never be so pretentious as to use the word "postmodern." For his stories to be any more down-to-earth, he'd have to bury them.

M1ke's character is a nebbishy sex fiend in a contrived universe of fantasy. The author puts some work into plotting his stories; while implausible, they do hang together well. And then he puts himself into the hero's role, but he doesn't quite measure up... and he knows it. In "I Am M1ke's Dick," M1ke offers this bit of dialogue between the director of a documentary on sex and himself:

As for "Women Are Stupid," the argument made by the narrator in the deliberately outrageous screed that surrounds the story is lifted from Lysistrata, by Aristophanes. The claim is that women could get men to do anything by withholding sex, and thus could easily take over the world. But they haven't, hence the title's claim. Except that if you think about it, what this really means is that men are stupid, given how easily they're manipulated. M1ke even grants that in "Shelly's Sex Life":

This is part of his charm, however. M1ke isn't perfect, not by a long shot. The narrator is well aware of his flaws, and he even seems to know that matters would be different if he were out in the Real World, rather than the fantasies we're given. But, hey, he is in a fantasy world -- one skewed in his favor -- and he's loving it. And he's taking us along for one helluva ride.

But even in this fantasy world, there are limits. Whatever the narrator thinks, the women are generally in control, while he remains a slave to his desires. The sex is consensual, and he does sometimes get turned down. (The one exception to the consensuality rule -- the first portion of "Shorts Stories" -- is clearly a stretch for a groaner of a punchline at the end... and even that case might be debatable. Nonetheless, I don't think it is, and it's my least favorite of his stories for precisely that reason.)

Back in "I Am M1ke's Dick," mentioned earlier, M1ke continues to use dialogue, going on to describe his feelings while getting an erection (for a PBS documentary!), narrate the sensations he has while having sex on camera, and -- behind the scenes -- have sex with two members of the production crew. But the humor doesn't stop when the action heats up -- throughout his narration in the main sex scene, he gets feedback from the director ("can't say 'cunt'. Use 'vagina.'") and occasionally digresses, especially as he nears climax ("Bango bango. Sorry, I know that sounds dumb. Can't think of anything to say. Just working on my, uh. uh..starting the build.") -- and, conversely, the humor employed doesn't detract from the heat of the sex.

For another example of how M1ke's plotting combines humor and eroticism, one might look at "Identical Twins." In it, M1ke accidentally takes the wrong piece of luggage at the airport, ending up with an identical bag, which turns out to belong to half of a set of identical twin sisters who tour the country doing sex shows for private groups. When returning the bag, he trips, sending her clothes flying all over the room, along with his soft drink, which gets all over the clothes. The sisters have a show to perform for the local Elks lodge that night, and their usual routine involves them having identical outfits... one set of which is now ruined.

So M1ke volunteers to help save the show. He ends up on stage with only one twin at any given time. Immediately after one leaves, the other enters, creating the illusion that there's only one girl, who's changing her costume to increasingly skimpy (and lovingly described) clothes at an impossibly fast rate. This holds until the end, when both come out and the three of them have sex on stage, which involves cunnilingus, vaginal sex, and fellatio in a few short paragraphs.

M1ke doesn't confine himself to narrating the action. There are frequent asides to the reader. There are usually long introductions and conclusions after the stories themselves. In "And Then I Fucked Her," the official story is two lines long. The rest is a lengthy look at what goes into writing sex stories -- using Michael Kalen Smith's "How to Write Sex Stories Good" as a starting point -- that's a virtuoso display of cleverness. (I'll be reviewing Smith's work in the next installment of this series.) He switches from narration to description and back naturally, easily, and entertainingly. In "Straight Sex," he even juggles three perspectives -- the narrator's perspective in the present, the narrator's perspective in the past, and the narrator's wife's perspective in the past -- with apparent ease.

I should note that virtually all the sex M1ke writes about is heterosexual. "Dirty Boys" -- which describes his character's earliest sexual experiences with a male friend -- is the most notable exception, but their activity is pretty much confined to mutual masturbation. There's also a little bit of lesbian sex, and a couple of threesomes (with two males or two females), but by and large he exclusively sticks with male-female sex.

The one major bit of criticism I'd have about M1ke's work is that, when all is said and done, the female characters are pretty flat. And while, as noted above, they're the ones who decide whether or not M1ke gets any, that itself could be seen as perpetuating a set of roles in which men can be irresponsible and horny, while it's the woman's job to say "no." The best that can be said in return would be that at least there's no stigma attached to the female characters in these tales no matter what they decide, and that the narrator himself cheerfully grants that he's just part of an over-the-top sophomoric fantasy, not meant to be taken seriously. The very broadness of the comedy may be its best defense.

I'm not quite sure it's enough, though.

Nevertheless, M1ke's stories are well worth checking out. M1ke was active in alt.sex.stories from March 1997 through December of that year, turning out an impressive quantity of writings in that time: thirty-six stories, not to mention posts on the discussion group and guest reviews for Celeste. Reportedly, job responsibilities have prevented him from returning since.

Any final questions about M1ke's use of low humor are decisively settled by his swan song, "The Night Before Christmas," a story that is the exception to every rule that applies to his other stories. It's in the third person. It's not funny. It has no sex to speak of. It's tender, touching, and sad. It's as if, before departing the world of alt.sex.stories, M1ke decided to confirm what had previously been visible between the lines: his use of broad comedy was a matter of choice, not something he was driven to through an inability to use other styles.

You can find the complete set of stories at the Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository. Another copy is available at The Bear's Den. The latter has a few additional bits, most notably a self-interview. Read 'em and laugh. And do other stuff if you want. I mean, this is smut, after all.