reviewed by Elaine DiRico
(7/21/99)
I think the thing I enjoy the most about a good BDSM munch is what I think of as the Star Trek mentality. Play is the missing element in most of our lives and sex is one of the few remaining arenas for play. Watching mainstream media on sexuality, it appears to follow a pretty straight course: You meet, you date, you make love, you marry. The only variations on this theme seem to be when one or the other partner gets dumped. Even in same sex relationships, we ascribe to this goal oriented idea, and miss all the fun of the process. And BDSM is one of the greatest games for enjoying the process that there is!
As to the Star Trek reference, that's the point: Barring reproduction, the rest of sex is a game, and we can play it any way we choose. Our only failure is to keep playing someone else's game at the expense of our own. And I rather imagine that William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy have some identity crises once in a while, and I know doms and subs who carry their game into other areas of their lives -- same sort of identity crisis...sometimes fun, sometimes silly, sometimes dangerous.
But for anyone interested in "The Scene," especially the Millenium Scene, this is the Bible. It explores every aspect of sado-masochism that I have imagined (okay, fantasized) and a few that hadn't occurred to me. While safety (oh that nineties thing) is addressed, it is not obsessive, just wise. The main thing is how to and why. A young person, just exploring, or an old person like me; after reading this could feel confident in almost any group of perverts. And that insecurity and sense of naiveté is what keeps most closet pervs in their closets.
The other main thing is that this is fun -- it is play -- again the missing element for most of us. The American Psychiatric Association, in 1994, officially removed the members of the SM community, and the associated sexual practices and lifestyle choices, when practiced consensually, from the DSMIII -- the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Volume Three. So it's legit now, not perversion, opening this whole world to play in for those among us who are challenged by the idea of sexuality being quantifiable and neither good nor bad. Now SM has the official normal stamp!
The book itself is pretty. I particularly appreciate the photographs of real people enjoying themselves and well done line drawings when explication is necessary. There is a nice matter of factness about the approach, reminding me of some of my favorite cookbooks. An excellent index makes it even more useful. But in truth, I sat down and read it cover to cover the day I got it. The first person narratives are wonderful and engaging. "Flying" is addressed, that ephemeral altered state that I have heard called "the sub state" and is as close to Zen as anything I have experienced. All the practical things are made very clear, and the subtleties are there as well.
I am grateful to the authors for this book -- it has been around a while (1995, seventh printing 1998). It is useful as a manual for any level of aficionado as well as a sourcebook for fantasy. The right wing of politics in this country has frightened me of late. The whole Lewinsky-Clinton privacy issue was a pivot for sexual rights for us and our children and grandchildren. However it was handled, the fact is, sexual behaviours are not above the law, and can affect all our lives. Stonewall was thirty years ago, and some strides for sexual freedom have been made -- many in fact, for those among us old enough to remember the sexual atmosphere of the early sixties. But it is still, for some inane reason a political issue, not a spiritual/ emotional/ humanistic issue. Our elected officials, our "Betters," in Washington are hoping to be able to decide for us what we do as consensual adults. Every book like this, which can enhance the sexuality and the pleasure and the intimacy of human beings, is a direct attack on those who would choose to take those freedoms from us. Bravo!
As you may have noticed if you have read my other reviews, the parallels between food and sex fascinate me. I firmly believe that if you watch how and what a person eats, you will have a good idea of what sort of lover they are. This book is about the Haute Cuisine of sex. If you like escargot, truffles, chilies, and sushi, this may be the book for you.
