by Gwydion McCarthy
(07/05/00)

When videos came in vogue, it merely brought food into the forefront. Now instead of just popcorn, I could have a full dinner in addition to the cinema, the close comfort of a sofa as opposed to rigid Victorian rows of fold-up chairs.

I used go on long Movie Crawls with Harris, a good friend of mine who loved movies just as I did. A movie crawl is something started by Harlan Ellison, who used to go to Times Square before it was all-porn (and before it became Sanitized-For-Your-Protection as it is now). Harlan and his buddy would go up and down the street, seeing every movie in every theatre, no matter what it was, until he couldn't stand it anymore (a fact gleaned from his famous essay, "The Three Most Important Things in Life: Sex, Violence, and Labor Relations"). We copied Harlan, video-style, watching crappy movies, good movies, even some dirty movies together. And we would munch. We would eat. We would consume everything in sight, and order more. No wonder I went from cub-sized to bear-sized my Freshman year!

All of this caused me to fall in love with movies and food. It wasn't until Aurora, however, that I linked them all to sex. Aurora taught me how to truly enjoy luxuries like fresh cream and herbs in her roasted chicken, fresh bread, fresh butter. She taught me how to love cold wine in a hot shower. She dipped strawberries in chocolate, and rubbed them on her crinkled nipple so I could taste all three.

And she showed me movies. Films like 9 ½ Weeks, , Like Water For Chocolate, Tampopo. This woman had a serious video habit to the tune of $50 a week, supplied usually by the beaus and belles who visited her abode. One didn't bother trying to pick a movie she hadn't seen. Instead, one had to play the incredibly intuitive and suave video sommelier, putting together exquisite combinations to match her mood, her clothing, the weather outside, and of course, the food she was cooking that night. Would that be film noir Copolla with the Baked Ziti and Beaujolais? Or perhaps a classic Merchant Ivory with the Stuffed Cornish Game Hen and Zinfandel?

My popcorn-parmesan-and-yeast-coated beard found new tastes combining sweet white wine, her delicious pussy, and dark chocolate. She would tell me to go faster or slower as she watched Kim Basinger, as she was blindfolded in 9 1 / 2 Weeks, as she knelt in front of the refrigerator for Mickey Rourke. As Mickey teased Kim, pouring various foods of various textures and flavors in her mouth. In the midst of what is probably one of the most mainstream messy-sex fetish scenes in cinema history, Aurora was pushing peppermints, orange slices, and her garlic-butter-drenched fingers down for me to taste as I tasted her. And that was only the third time we watched it. The first time we watched, I nearly spilled my popcorn in the movie theatre as she gave the film her greatest acclamation - not two thumbs up, but three fingers in.

Aurora is one of those of women who change a young man for the good, and now I can't watch Like Water For Chocolate without being vastly aroused. Food is an inherent part of this wonderful film, and represents not only a woman's power, but also her art and sexuality.

In the film, Tita (Lumi Cavazos) must take care of her mother rather than marry, even though she has fallen in love with Pedro. Pedro decides to marry her sister, Rosura (Yareli Arizmendi) in order to be closer to Tita. Tita's moods and reactions to the action in the film color her cooking and lend magical effects to those who eat from her kitchen. When Tita's true love for Pedro comes out in her food, it makes for an incredibly erotic scene as everyone slowly but surely gets turned on and begins to look at each other in a new light. The resulting sexuality crosses all generations, and seems to affect even those who you might consider to be immune to such things.

Another horny-foodie film is Tampopo, Juzo Itami's 1986 foreign-language comedy about truck drivers who are trying to revive a noodle restaurant. and the focus inevitably comes around to the sexual uses of food.

In pop culture, cinema reeks of food and sex. I can't bear watching Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction sip her Five Dollar Shake through a straw without thinking about what it must be doing to John Travolta. What about Phoebe Cates going down on a carrot in Fast Times At Ridgemont High? Or the scene in When Harry Met Sally where the woman turns around and says, "I'll have what she's having."

My advice to you in this long, hot month of July is to get take out from four different restaurants, rent a bunch of movies, turn down the lights, and make a mess on the floor with your sweetie of choice. Don't worry so much about continuity - you can always hit rewind.

And stay tuned to Clean Sheets throughout the month of July for more of our moveable web-feast!