Mary Anne Mohanraj, editor-in-chief
(2/10/99)
Y'all know I love Susie Bright, right? Oh, I don't absolutely always
agree with her, but I don't know that there's anyone in the world I
agree with more when it comes to sex. She offers a few delicious
ideas for how to celebrate V-Day if you're not
part of a monogamous couple (the ones this holiday was designed
to coax money out of...).
Her main suggestion seems to be to go find a local orgy on the 14th.
And while I certainly think that's a laudable suggestion, I thought
she was a little vague on how to go about it. So I thought I'd do
a little research and give you some more info on how you'd go about
this, if it appeals.
Before I get into the nitty-gritty, though, I'd like to make one big
suggestion. Take a friend! Sex parties can be a little intimidating,
even nerve-wracking. And on a holiday so devoted to romance,
having sex with strangers might start seeming like it's sort of
missing the point. If you've got a friend you can have sex with,
that might be perfect -- and if not, even a platonic friend can be
a great comfort.
They'll be there to help coax you in the door of
the party, to grin encouragingly at you when some stranger offers
to suck your cock or clit. And if things don't click at the party,
you two (or more) might just decide to skip out
halfway through and go get ice cream and rent a movie. And
that's perfectly okay too, and more fun than going home
upset and alone...
So let's say you've talked a friend or two into doing this crazy thing
with you. And you have no idea how you'd find a sex party. Well,
here are a few tips:
Read Carol Queen's essay, "Inside the Safe Sex Clubs", first. It's in
her book
Real Live
Nude Girl, and will give you a good idea of what you might
expect from your first sex party. Highly recommended.
Another great resource is the chapter in
The Ethical Slut
on sex parties. This covers everything from etiquette to
apparel to supplies to the emotional aspects. Again, this chapter
(and the book) are highly recommended.
Then you want to start looking. Probably your best bet is to do what
Susie recommends and check your local alternative papers. Don't know
what those are? Ask at the newsstand, or at a bookstore. They'll
know.
Keep in mind that a lot of sex parties have different rules/charges
for single guys vs. couples vs. single gals. Sad, but currently
unsurprising, given that there are still far more men interested in
this sort of thing (or at least willing to admit their interest) than
women. So if you're a guy, be braced to pay something to attend.
You might also look at some of the
swinging info available online. While swingers are often couples,
there are certainly singles involved in the scene, and you may be
able to find a community event if you hunt around a bit.
And then there are the
online forums on sexuality. Consider hanging out in some of these
and just meeting and talking to people about what you're looking for.
You might meet someone interesting; you might get invited to a hot
party, and you might just start exploring what's out there.
Even if you don't find a party by Valentine's Day, reading the articles
above and exploring some of the options available to someone who
isn't in a monogamous relationship might make you just a
little happier on the 14th. Isn't it better than just feeling
sorry for yourself, as so many of us do?
Who knows -- you might even decide to throw a party yourself!
