by Jaie Helier
Okay, here's a little exercise. Think back. Can you remember the best handjob you've ever given yourself? Think hard... (sorry about that -- couldn't resist it). If you can't remember it, then it may be that you're short-changing yourself.
We have a tendency to regard masturbation as something we do because there's no one around to screw. It's a substitute. The result is that often we just do it just because we're driven to. We get it over with and forget it. Furthermore we don't want to look like an idiot while we're doing it. That's a pity because masturbation can be a soothing and delightful way to reclaim the body after a day in a busy abrasive world. A lot of men think they don't need that, they are burdened with a need to feel in control all the time -- however the rate of heart disease tends to suggest that they definitely do. Our bodies are sensitive and complex machines and they need lots of loving care and attention from us to function well.
The best masturbation happens when you have the time to plan it a little. Make sure you're alone and can feel free and secure. Adventurous masturbation can include some fairly peculiar activities and the last thing you want is the old lady next door walking in on you just as you are preparing to suck whipped cream off the end of your rampant dick. If you have the opportunity, take your clothes off, relax and have a shower first. To wander around naked can be pleasant and therapeutic and, if you let it, can feel very stimulating. Let your imagination play with the idea of being naked. Eventually maybe you'd like to lie down and feel comfortable. Clean sheets are nice and so is subdued lighting. Maybe even a little music if you feel like it. We usually associate this kind of mood and comfort thing with the way that women like spaces to be, but it works for us too.
Fantasies are the best accompaniment to masturbation, but for some people fantasies are not something they can necessarily come up with at will. It's worth learning to produce erotic thoughts whenever you want them. As an erotic writer, part of my income depends on my ability to do this, so I can testify that it is possible. Your own fantasies are better than outside stimuli because they leave you free to concentrate on pleasing your body without distraction.
The second best way is by reading erotic stories (check out the CleanSheets fiction section and archive for this). Stories are involving and lead you where you want to go at a gentle pace. Pictures are mostly (though not all) for the quick hit -- instant, and probably forgettable sex -- try to stay off them if you want a really relaxing time.
Don't be afraid to stroke and poke yourself. Discover where your erogenous zones are and enjoy them. Be gentle and take time. Use lubricant to facilitate experimentation. Pleasure can come from all sorts of areas but you must be prepared to appreciate lots of different feelings and not go straight for the purely sexual. Stroke and massage your neck, your stomach, the insides of your thighs, your feet. Notice your body and how it's reacting. Enjoy the feelings while thinking whatever thoughts turn you on. Don't be afraid to try things out. If you've never pushed your finger up your asshole, try it. Use lots of lubricant; cut and clean your nails first. Some people have lots of fascinating and sensitive areas there. Let yourself discover all the skin around your upper thighs, buttocks, testicles and through your pubic hair. Try pinching the skin of your scrotum. It all feels good if you let it.
When you feel it's definitely getting time to be more direct, explore your cock as if you've never seen it before. Again, it has different areas to enjoy and they all give different feelings. It will repay you to be very soft and gentle in the way you touch it. As far as one can tell, the most common form of male masturbation involves grasping the cock and working the loose skin up and down. Obviously this looks pretty good if you are doing it in front of someone -- preferably standing tall over their naked body with a truculent expression on your face -- however if you're doing it for your own benefit, avoid this method. There are lots of other ways to touch your cock and, when you think about it, that isn't the way it happens inside a woman's vagina. The penis can become sore and even bruised from continual rough handling.
To give yourself the opportunity to masturbate often, the best way is to use lubricant or saliva and let the penis ease gently in and out of the hand in the same way as it does in the vagina. Avoiding the sensitive tip of the penis until the last moment will give you a slower and more pleasant lead-up and can help you to extend and intensify the orgasm. Use your other hand to stroke whatever else gives you good feelings -- nipples, anus, whatever. Try rubbing the underside of your penis over a smooth surface with perhaps a paper tissue between the two. Sounds peculiar, but if the surface is right it can work and you'll have both your hands free to work on other pleasure spots. Sitting back to front on a leather chair is a perfect position for this.
Look for other types of masturbation that don't involve using your hands on your cock at all. They can be gentle and often intensely pleasurable methods. Obviously vibrators are one way but spa jets are also a beautiful feeling. Try sitting or lying on the floor of the shower and letting the water fall on the underside of your erect cock. If there's no one around you can lie there for hours dreaming, and emerge relaxed and satisfied. Try to relax while you are doing it, there is a natural tendency to tense the muscles around the genital area but going the other way and relaxing them completely can give a dramatically different and often more pleasurable effect.
Another important masturbation question is what to do with those pointy vibrators women like so much. Obviously you can apply them directly to the end of your cock with pretty immediate results, or you can just drop them into your undershorts. Okay, this will only work with the elasticized sort if they're tight -- boxer shorts won't do at all -- but it spreads the vibration and makes the effect more gradual. Combined with other stimulation it feels good, and there is something unbelievably liberating about literally coming in your pants. A quick rinse afterwards is essential -- don't just chuck them in the washing basket.
The important thing to understand about masturbation is that you have the right, and in some senses a great need, to enjoy your own body. Be prepared to laugh at yourself. Imagine -- licking whippped cream off your dick could be a lot of fun if you can get down there. Male masturbation is incredibly messy, and can at times feel a little ludicrous to do, but it's important to realize it's like that for everyone. Accept it; embrace it and don't try to be too male and macho about it. Love yourself a little.
